


For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

by vanishedwind



Series: The Rollercoaster Life of Kim Jongdae [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 19:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5304533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishedwind/pseuds/vanishedwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae is a conflicted man. He tells himself he isn't good enough for Yixing- that's why they broke up. Years later, Jongdae is regretting his rash decision as he starts falling deep for his ex whom might have actually started moving on to another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

**Author's Note:**

> This work is unbetad and self edited but it's too long to be edited perfectly. This is a saga, this is the first part and the second part has angst and things which I won't go into details because I want to keep it a surprise. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it and kudos are welcomes!

“I really hate myself back when I was in high school,” Jongdae mentioned out of nowhere.

His best friend, Kyungsoo, looked up from his paper scattered on the library table and asked, “Hmm, why?”

“I was really a dick,” Jongdae said as a matter of fact.

His friend raised an eyebrow and gave an amused smile, “Oh?”

Jongdae sighed and slumped his head on the table. He groaned inwards as the memories came flooding his mind again. He thought that months, going to a year, of being in college would somehow make him forget his past but it didn’t seem like it.

High school contained the best years of his life, just that he spent it as someone he now hates. Jongdae did not understand why he did what he did. He blames his curiosity and nonchalant attitude. He remembers how he used to like too many guys and girls all at once. Somehow, when he confesses, they actually like him back. Just that he was too afraid for a relationship. He was too young.

But they asked him.

So he said yes. He was curious- wanting to know how it feels like to be with someone who cares for him and all that. He was in cloud nine, breaking up and getting together with people he likes. He was really lucky (Kyungsoo says it’s because his best friend is charming) to have people like him back. It was a win-win situation except that he was the one that always kept winning and his partners falls apart in the end. 

Jongdae always initiated the breakup.

That was why he couldn’t understand the feeling of losing. The disappointment and the feeling of not being good enough is not an emotion his young heart had experienced, only when he met Luhan that he knew what it was. He started to really fall for the guy and once again, lucky for Jongdae, Luhan likes him back. They got together in a whirlwind. They broke up after two months of awkward atmosphere around each other and Jongdae missed him few months later. Being Jongdae, he wanted to try a relationship with Luhan again.

So they did.

Jongdae knew that he was the person he wanted to spend his lifetime with. He was perfect and Luhan fits him so well. It was just that one time, it seems like Luhan became too loose and they weren’t a perfect fit anymore. Jongdae came back from a long and most boring holiday he ever had. Happy that he could check his phone and text Luhan, the message he saw was one he did not expect. 

Do you still love me?

Jongdae stared back at his screen, wrinkles forming between his eyebrows. He was confused and startled. Why did Luhan ask him that all of a sudden? Yes, there may be times Jongdae had had second thought of his feelings but he sorted them out.

Yes. Do you?

Jongdae waited for a reply. He didn’t know he was holding his breath when he felt the vibration of his phone. He quickly opened it and let out a sigh of relief. There was this sickly feeling his stomach started feeling but he ignored it. 

Yes. Yes I do.

Jongdae smiled like an idiot for the rest of the day. It didn’t last though. Baekhyun, one of his long-time friends, asked him to check his social media because there was something he should see. Jongdae thought it was nothing important but he was wrong. For the whole world to see, there it was- Luhan humiliating Jongdae right in front of their friends to see. Well, it did not seem humiliating to Luhan but seeing Luhan comment that he didn’t love Jongdae anymore while they were still together hurts. He checked the time when Luhan texted him and it was around the same time. 

Jongdae felt like a fool.

Jongdae was angry and he cried. His heart broke for the first time and he understood why his exes were miserable after their relationship ended because it felt like this. He was crying when his mother came to check on him and Jongdae lied that he missed the place he just came back from. His mother stayed with him for an hour and he saw Luhan frantically calling him on his phone. Jongdae wasn't sure if Luhan knows he knows but maybe he did. Why would his ex-boyfriend call him all of a sudden?

He didn’t answer because Jongdae kept his relationship from his mother. He doesn’t want to tell his mother anything, doesn’t want to burden her with such silly feelings. Jongdae was angry but he didn’t want their relationship to end. He thought they were just going through some rough patch but the relationship ended with a single message from Luhan.

Please don’t be mad. It’s okay if it’s over. Just don’t be mad.

Jongdae stayed mad because he wanted to disobey Luhan. It was childish but it was something that gets him by. He returned the guitar pick Luhan gave him reason being that it held too many memories. 

One month later, the girl he asked to pass the pick back to Luhan became Luhan’s girlfriend. Jongdae was just downright devastated.

A year passed and Baekhyun started dating Yixing. Jongdae was not really aware of Yixing then. Yixing was just some guy who was a genius. Jongdae liked Yixing’s friend, Tao, instead. He tried pursuing Tao but for the very first time, he got rejected. There was that feeling of not being good enough once again and it really hurt Jongdae to no ends. 

Baekhyun and Yixing had a very inconsistent relationship. It annoyed Jongdae because he knew his best friend was not that serious with Yixing but Jongdae just kept mum. Jongdae was there, though, to console Yixing after Baekhyun broke up with him, only to find out that he and Baekhyun got back together again. 

His two friends were getting along pretty well. Yixing was always extra sweet with Baekhyun and Jongdae got a little green-eyed because his best friend had someone who takes care of him like he is the only person that matters in the world. Although, Jongdae could see that Yixing loved Baekhyun more, their relationship went on. Jongdae listened to his best friend droned on and on about how Yixing is too good for him, even mentioning how he wanted to officially end his relationship with Yixing, wanting to have no more of what he called ‘cool-offs’. 

Jongdae already expected them to end officially after myriad of break ups or ‘cool-offs’. Baekhyun and Yixing were not in speaking terms but Jongdae made a good friend in Yixing. Being a dick he was, he used Yixing as a rebound because Tao rejected Jongdae and Yixing knew all of Jongdae’s plan because Jongdae told him.

Yixing didn’t mind.

It hurts Jongdae because he was using him but he just badly needed someone to be with and someone to care for him. They flirted now and then, Jongdae even started enjoying his company. He blushed whenever Yixing say something so sweet. It was a good relationship.

Someone told him that Tao was really mad at Yixing for getting together with Jongdae and how disappointed he was with Yixing. Jongdae cried that night and Yixing called him to console him. Yixing listened quietly to the soft sobs the younger lad made and told him to forget what Tao had said because he didn’t care. That made Jongdae feels guiltier than ever. He didn’t really love Yixing and yet there he was, sacrificing his friends for Jongdae. 

Jongdae felt stupid.

Only months into their relationship, they broke up because Jongdae felt that Yixing deserved so so much better than Jongdae himself. Yixing didn’t seem to mind. Seem was the keyword. He broke all ties he had with Jongdae and Baekhyun which both didn't really mind.

Only when Jongdae started dating Junmyeon that he changed completely.

Jongdae thought the latter was the combination of perfect but he was a far cry from it. Jongdae was scared and young. Junmyeon took advantage of that, since Junmyeon was much older than Jongdae was. He made Jongdae do things the younger lad would have never thought of doing. Jongdae cried and sobbed in front of the elder lad. Junmyeon was comforting him and said that they didn’t have to do anything (sexual) if Jongdae didn’t want to. The younger lad just kept quiet, his sobs quieting down. They had a lovely relationship, as long as Junmyeon can abuse Jongdae’s body that is. Only when Jongdae had had enough and decided to stop seeing him, only then the younger realised that their relationship came to a stop- no more good morning texts, no more random chats and basically no more communication. He realised that Junmyeon didn’t actually loved him- just used him for mere play toy.

Jongdae felt more stupid and foolish than ever. He thought that he deserved what he got since he used Yixing as well.

That point on, gone was the loud and sassy guy that he once used to be. When high school started to end, that was when he met Kyungsoo. Baekhyun had a much different schedule than Jongdae; they barely met anymore. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo was there, giving laughter and a listening ear to Jongdae. He smiled more often and kept his admiration for other people within his heart because he was too scared. Three times of feeling stupid made Jongdae stopped pursuing anything that has got to do with crushes and anything romance-related. 

People started to respect Jongdae and everyone came to him for help in any aspects. Only Kyungsoo was there to help Jongdae which was good enough for him. 

He changed a lot and Jongdae likes it. He couldn’t stop smiling and sighing.

“What the heck is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo muttered, flipping a page of his lecture notes.

Jongdae sometimes wonders how Kyungsoo talks and study at the same time. It’s impossible for Jongdae to do so and he wanted to know how the latter does it.

“Just thinking,” Jongdae answered, glancing up at him since he had his head rested on the table, with his hand as a pillow.

His loud ow made everyone in the library glare at them. Jongdae glared back at Kyungsoo who flicked his pen onto Jongdae’s forehead again and kept pointing it at him.

“I told you to stop having deep thoughts,” Kyungsoo scolded in a whisper, “It makes you worry.”

Jongdae just pouted and turned his head away from his friend. Inside he was smiling because he really loves Kyungsoo. Not in that way but more of a friendship way. Kyungsoo cares for Jongdae in ways that the latter likes while Jongdae worries about Kyungsoo similarly. He loves their friendship and he was satisfied with that. 

He barely closed his eyes so he can rest when he heard- no, more like felt a presence beside him. Jongdae scrunched his nose at the living thing beside him. It couldn’t be Kyungsoo because the lad was in front of him. Jongdae groaned, facing the table. He was comfortable enough in his pullover, almost ready to fall asleep when Kyungsoo spoke.

“Oh, hey, Yixing,” Kyungsoo greeted like it was nothing.

Well, to his best friend it was nothing but Jongdae froze on his seat. He knew that Yixing entered the same university as them. Sure, they meet and say their greetings in the morning but that was it. Yixing goes with his friends and Jongdae with Kyungsoo. 

There were casual outings with groups of people. Most of the time, Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Yixing were there. The three were comfortable with each other since they went way back in high school. Jongdae should know that he should have been more comfortable by now and forget the past. However, Jongdae is someone who doesn’t forget easily. He really hated how he treated Yixing back then and is still conscience guilty about it which probably is the 99% reason why Jongdae feels uncomfortable whenever Yixing is around.

Can’t be said the same for Yixing. He was always all smiles and teasing whenever they were together. Jongdae goes along with it, teasing Yixing back. That was really it. No feelings for each other grown or whatsoever. 

Just that there’s always those icky feelings he have whenever Yixing is around to which Jongdae has started growing hatred for. Maybe it’s the fear that Jongdae might hurt Yixing again and at the same time, Yixing is living creature walking around for Jongdae to see and be reminded how an asshole Jongdae was in the past.

Jongdae has always been stuck in the past. Trying to make things right.

“I hate examination periods,” Yixing complained.

Sound of thick books slightly banged on the table. Jongdae didn’t mind the sound since he was wide awake. How can he not be when Yixing was there beside him? He feels bile coming out to greet the table and floor anytime soon.

“Jongdae, here, likes it though,” Kyungsoo grumbled, “Says he can get sleep during breaks in between papers.”

Jongdae bites his bottom lips because- no, he doesn’t want to be in a conversation with Yixing.

Yixing scoffs and teasingly said, “He is too smart.”

Jongdae feels pressurised whenever people tell him that. Scared that he fails to be smart at any time of the day and anyone might actually take back their compliment. 

Jongdae sat back up quickly, vision hazy. Like those tiny moments where he can’t see after watching television. 

“Says someone who aced almost every test last semester,” Jongdae huffed and teased, “Besides, I’m not that smart. I just love the lack of lessons and we just study. I like that.”

Yixing smiles and Jongdae thought it twinkled. The latter tilted his head and had this mischievous smile going on and it gets Jongdae on the edge. 

“Hmm, yeah whatever you say,” Yixing said, looking back onto his notes. 

Jongdae opened his mouth to protest but closed it as fast as he opened it. He doesn’t want to engage in any more conversation with Yixing. He finally made it to sleep, trying not to mind his rigidness. 

\--

Jongdae jerked awake from his nightmare. It was the usual nightmares that he was supposed to be used to but Jongdae feels himself getting more and more scared when the dreams attack him. His dream doesn’t make sense since he’s getting attacked by some gang mob who wanted to shoot him and he barely escapes from the bullet. Kyungsoo would say that Jongdae reads and watch too much action and horror movies but he’ll chuckle and say that good thing he didn’t get shot. This time though, he got hit on the chest but he didn’t feel anything.

“You okay?” Yixing asked, a frown deepening on his face.

Jongdae turned to him and got confused for a second before he remembers where he was. Jongdae didn’t answer him and turned towards where Kyungsoo was supposed to be sitting but he found an empty chair instead. 

“He went to take his exams,” Yixing told him, answering Jongdae’s unspoken question. 

“Ah…” Jongdae trailed on.

Jongdae sat back and rubbed his eyes, trying to make himself more awake. He looked over at Yixing who was intensely studying and Jongdae felt awkward. It was the first time he was alone with Yixing since the non-existent relationship they had.

Jongdae wet his lips and looked around the place, realising how little students were in the library. He would have felt more at ease if he can hear some murmurs and whispers surrounding him but there was nothing.

Jongdae fidgeted in his seat and kept on looking around, biting his tongue inside his mouth. He wished that Yixing would bring up a conversation but he got none. They weren’t good friends at all. Kyungsoo and Yixing were at least in good speaking terms since they come to school together most of the time in the morning, with their house being so close to each other.

“I think I should get going,” Jongdae whispered.

Jongdae doesn’t know where he should go other than the library, pity that he was too nervous around Yixing. 

“Hmm?” Yixing hummed while writing something down then looked up at Jongdae who already stood up, “Oh, yeah. Sure.”

Jongdae nodded awkwardly and contemplated whether to say goodbye or not. He suddenly could hear Kyungsoo’s voice in head about not thinking too much. So Jongdae decided not to say goodbye. 

He doesn’t want to over think of what Yixing would think of him.

\--

He sat down on the quiet corner of the coffee shop in his college campus and started to kill some time before Kyungsoo finishes his examination. He played some game that would be labelled as ‘so last year’ by some of his friends but he didn’t really care. He liked the game. 

While on it, his mind started to wander to Yixing and thought if it was rude that he actually left the latter without company or whatsoever. Then Jongdae thought that maybe it was fine since Yixing didn’t say anything. Jongdae thought that was enough. Jongdae is more of a person that needs people to tell him that if they were fine with it or not because Jongdae would not care.

I’m in THE café

Jongdae texted Kyungsoo and hopefully his friend would see it soon enough. Jongdae decided to do some work at last and pulled out his work. He groaned inside but carried on anyway. Question after questions, Jongdae managed to get them right except for one which he knew he was weak in. Well, Jongdae’s the type of guy that gets uncomfortable when he doesn’t know the answer. He is a curious boy and anything that pops up in his mind, he’ll make sure he’ll find the answer for that. 

Jongdae sighed, irritated. He couldn’t ask Kyungsoo because he was in the examination room and Jongdae wanted to know the explanation right then. Jongdae can’t ask his other friends since he knew they don’t take any lectures that are similar to Jongdae. 

And the last person that came up to his mind is Yixing. He was really hesitant because… well, it’s Yixing. Jongdae tried to think of nothing as he sent a photo of the question he was struggling with. 

Minutes passed and Jongdae started fidgeting in his seat. He constantly keeps checking his phone for any messages and would tell himself that Yixing won’t answer. He gave up after 15 minutes and went on to do other questions. 

An hour has passed and Jongdae forgot about it. Kyungsoo came and Jongdae couldn’t be any happier.

\--

Jongdae likes going in Kyungsoo’s apartment because it’s huge and gives out a more homey feeling than his dorm back in the campus. It’s also because he doesn’t need to eat take-out food.

“Did you survive when I left you with Yixing?” Kyungsoo asked while setting up the table.

“Of course I did!” Jongdae defended himself, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Kyungsoo smirked and let out a soft laugh, “I know how you are with people you are very uncomfortable with: fidgety, stuttering and rigid.”

Jongdae rolled his eyes and told him, “I left once I woke up.”

“Figures,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Fine, you got me,” Jongdae sighed and laughed, “Anyway, what’s there for dinner?”

\--

Jongdae find it creepy to be walking back to his dorm from Kyungsoo’s place because everything was dark and the streetlights barely give a sense of comfort. All he could hear were crickets but that was enough of a company. He refused Kyungsoo’s offer of walking him back, even if it was just half of the journey. Jongdae would have none of it. Besides, he wanted some time alone. 

He sighed when he was brought back to his past again. He would have given anything to forget it. It was just so ridiculous of him to do any of those things that highlighted his stupidity. Well, those were good lessons that he actually learnt from but sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder how better it would have been if he wasn’t so scarred and scared.

It would have been nice to actually not be so self-conscious and to overthink about not being good enough. He knew he kind of deserve what he got because what goes around comes around right? 

There are millions of would have been that goes through his mind every single day and this keeps him awake at night, making him toss and turn for an hour before he decides that he needed sleep, only then would he start counting from 1000 to 1. He could only get to 921 before his nightmares can consume him.

“Shit, sorry!” Jongdae apologised profusely when he bumped into someone.

Stupid thoughts that keeps him from reality annoys him to no ends.

“It’s okay,” the latter said, “Oh- hey, Jongdae.”

Jongdae blinked and looked up to take in the features of the other lad. It was Yixing.

“Oh, hey Yixing,” Jongdae greeted politely who was trying to ignore the awkwardness creeping up to his skin. 

Yixing smiled gently and said, “By the way, I couldn’t reply you. My phone is acting up on me.”

“Oh, that’s okay!” he said quickly, “Um, yeah. Well, take care!”

Jongdae gave a small smile and breezed past Yixing who replied as quickly, “You too!”

He sighed when he managed to walk quite a fair bit of distance after the exchange. How nice would it have been if he was comfortable around Yixing? He would have seemed to be a good friend to have. Maybe the other part of him that refused to open up and actually start a friendship with the elder lad was because of Yixing’s friends. He admits that they scare him because he thinks that deep down; they might still be disapproving towards him. 

Thunder started rumbling down the sky and Jongdae knew that was his cue to run. That was one of his best ability. 

\--

“Holy shit this is difficult,” Jongdae thought to himself as he sat for the last test he had for the year.

He was sitting right in front and lucky for him, one of the lecturers that were invigilating them was right in front of him. He couldn’t concentrate and this just made him panic. He looked up at the time and told himself, that he need to answer quickly if he doesn’t want to retake the subject again next year.

Once the time was up, everyone was ready to submit their papers and just like that, the end of the exams ended. He couldn’t be gladder.

While packing up his stuff, he saw Yixing walking out of the classroom with some of his friends (not the friends Jongdae were scared of- they went to a different college which Jongdae praised the heavens for) and he was walking alone behind them.

Jongdae decided to buck up his courage and talk to him to make up for his crappy attitude yesterday. 

“How was it?” Jongdae asked, jogging to Yixing’s side.

“Hmm?” Yixing looked up and twinkled a smile, “It was alright, I guess.”

Jongdae pushed back his thoughts. This wasn’t the time to be overthinking. This was the time to create friendship.

“Really?” he asked, incredulous and making his tone similar to how he talks to Kyungsoo, “I thought it was really difficult. I was like cursing every single question I saw.”

Yixing lets out a laugh and Jongdae feels nice. He managed to let out a laugh from the latter and that was a good step. 

“I better get ready for a worse results,” Yixing grimly but teasingly said, “Since the ever-so-smart Jongdae found it so unmanageable.”

Jongdae frowned and retorted back, “Hey! Don’t compare yourself to me.”

Yixing chuckled and said, “I know, my lowly self shouldn’t be compared to such a-”

Jongdae huffed and he almost regretted talking to Yixing. The latter was like another Kyungsoo, only two times worse. 

“Forget it,” Jongdae grumbled and cutting him off.

Yixing laughed once more and nodded to his friends when they asked him if he was going to eat lunch with them, “Aw, but I have such a good memory.”

Jongdae froze inside but kept his façade and walked with Yixing, “Right.”

That was kind of a splash of freezing water on Jongdae. Jongdae should know that Yixing didn’t mean it that way but he has a way in twisting words in his mind, just to make himself more miserable than he already was.

Jongdae felt guilty and conscious all of a sudden. He was thinking that Yixing may have probably still remember how an asshole he was towards him in the past. 

Sometimes, Jongdae should learn that he was an asshole in the past. Not at present times.

But he only learns to remember and to dwell on them which kind of sucks for him. 

“Yeah, I know I’m right,” Yixing gave him a sly smile before sitting down with his friends.

The younger lad laughed awkwardly and said, “See you when I see you?”

Yixing smiled back and turned to his friends. Jongdae would like to believe that that went well and hope that he can stop feeling too guilty for what he did in the past. He was young and stupid then, he is more mature now. Well, that was what he keeps telling himself anyway. 

\--

“How did it go?” Kyungsoo asked while munching on his chicken.

Jongdae gave a face of disgust when Kyungsoo spat some of the chicken in front of them, “Uh, it went fine.”

“What? I went hungry waiting for you, dumbass,” Kyungsoo defended himself, “That’s good since you freaked out so much on me yesterday night.”

“I didn’t!”

“Wait, are those pigs flying?”

Jongdae just groaned and ate his own food quietly. Minutes later, they were heading out of campus when they bumped into Yixing and his clique.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you so soon,” Yixing greeted and waved goodbye right after, “Bye!”

Jongdae gave back a smile meanwhile Kyungsoo replied a loud goodbye and turned to Jongdae, “You usually don’t talk to him, what change?”

“I tried to be friendly,” Jongdae muttered.

Kyungsoo smiled and looked proud. He patted his friend’s shoulder and squeezed it, “Better than nothing, right?”

“Yeah,” he replied, wanting to convince Kyungsoo but it was more like an effort to convince himself.

His best friend just gave him a weak smile and shook him lightly, probably to shake him off of his thoughts. Jongdae likes that because always needs someone to do that for him. If not, he’s going to be lost in the deep abyss of his thoughts. 

\--

“How can you not tell me you were not feeling well yesterday?” Jongdae almost exclaimed on the phone.

“I was lazy,” Kyungsoo said monotonously.

Jongdae huffed over the receiver and tried not to give his friend another scolding, “Fine. Drink loads of water and rest. Do not, I repeat, do not study school work nor read any of your manga. If not-“

“Yes, boss,” Kyungsoo cuts him off, “I’ll hang up now because you have a class in about 10 minutes.”

Jongdae checked his watched and grunted. The first lecture was the most boring and the only lecture he had similar to Kyungsoo’s. His friend was the only reason he manage to score decently for the test since he was the person that can keep him alive in the class. 

“I’ll visit you later,” Jongdae informed him and added when he hears Kyungsoo’s protest, “No rejecting my offer.”

He smiled to himself when he successfully granted himself access to his friend’s home later. He doesn’t like not being able to help his friend and the fact that he didn’t see through Kyungsoo yesterday made him really guilty.

He made his way to the lecture hall and looked around for a seat. He pursed his lips as he saw everyone with some companion. He doesn’t mind being alone but he likes to have someone to talk and discuss. Sighing quietly, he took some steps down before choosing his seat somewhere near the wall. He would gladly be sitting in the centre in order to keep himself awake but today, he tells himself, it is an exception. 

He smirked to himself as he imagined how Kyungsoo would react towards his carelessness but he knows the latter would just dismiss it. 

He closed his eyes momentarily before noise of laughter filled his ears. He cracked his eye open to see Yixing and his group of friends entering the lecture hall. He could hear profanities and jokes coming out from Yixing’s friends which got Jongdae to laugh quietly. Jongdae noticed how different Yixing’s friends were from his high school friends. Maybe it was just him since Yixing’s current friends won’t judge Jongdae. 

 

There was a sudden twinge of jealousy that surged in Jongdae’s heart. At least Yixing had his friends today, he thought then slapped himself mentally because that was stupid of him to think.

He didn’t know he was staring at them for a while. He realised it when Yixing looked up and met Jongdae’s eyes and made a small smile. Jongdae forced himself to smile and gave small wave. 

He felt cold all of a sudden. Was the air-conditioning on at full blast? He hears heavy pour of rain and realised it was cold from the sudden rain. Thunder rolled in the sky; it was loud which made him jump from his seat. He wasn’t the only one that was startled since he heard snickers and chuckles from the hall as they all laugh from the loud thunder that made everyone jump. However, he couldn’t make himself laugh. He didn’t know why.

\--

It was lunch and the rain didn’t seem like it was going to stop any time soon. Jongdae likes it because of the cool touch of the wind but hates the cracking of the thunder and lightning that strikes the sky. He contemplated whether to eat alone or stay in the library. His stomach grumbled as an answer.

Once he got his food, he took a seat and ate his food as fast as he can. He knew it was bad for his body but being alone doesn’t make him eat any slower. 

A tap on his shoulder got him to look up. He saw Yixing and the latter asked, “Where’s Kyungsoo?”

Jongdae swallowed his food and replied, “He’s sick.”

Yixing nodded and told him he’ll be going and to enjoy his food. Jongdae nodded and went back to eating his food. Sometimes, he wonders if it would be different if they didn’t date. Jongdae wants to know if he wouldn’t be eating alone right then if he wasn’t so stupid in the past but before Jongdae could think more, another thunder, louder than the last, boomed. The vibration of the sound moved plates and tables. 

“Shit,” Jongdae muttered to himself.

\--

Jongdae frowned towards the sky. The rain would have been gone by the end of the day but it was the same, maybe even heavier. He doesn’t have anything to protect him from getting wet while going to Kyungsoo’s place. He regretted not buying an umbrella or raincoat when Kyungsoo told him to. 

Jongdae has no choice but to run in the rain. At least he managed to deposit his belongings to his dorm and not risk his money-sucking books to be a victim of the gloomy weather. He was running and he was glad there were only little passer-by on the street. He didn’t look back to check their faces, he would have probably laughed his ass off. 

He was glad that he was in shape and managed to reach Kyungsoo’s place in five minutes. He knocked on the door with Kyungsoo shouting on the top of his lungs at how stupid Jongdae was for visiting him to take care of him when Jongdae seems like the one that needed to be taken care of. He just rolled his eyes and jogged to his friend’s bathroom to change to Kyungsoo’s clothes.

“Stop scolding, holy shit,” Jongdae pleaded.

“I don’t even know what to do with you sometimes,” Kyungsoo muttered.

Jongdae laughed and opened the fridge to make some soup he was used to cooking. Kyungsoo sniffed too many times while Jongdae was in the kitchen, so he threw a tissue box to his friend’s face. 

“Take it out of your body,” Jongdae told him, “Better out than in.”

Kyungsoo muttered thanks and got back to watching his show. Jongdae feels great that he can take care of his friend since he loves taking care of people he truly loves. 

Once he was done cooking the chicken soup, the rain subsided and the clouds started to retreat before the sun.

\--

“What did they talk about the first lecture,” Kyungsoo asked the next day.

Jongdae was glad that his friend was fine by yesterday night. He feels accomplished which makes him smile.

“Uh, I’ll give you my notes later,” Jongdae said quickly, not wanting the latter to have another scolding session again. 

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo said again.

With that, they parted ways. Jongdae forgets about how his day went yesterday. He didn’t realise how lonely he felt until he sees Kyungsoo this morning. 

\--

“I studied so hard,” Jongdae whined to Kyungsoo.

“Unless you call sleeping as studying then I guess you deserve your grade,” Kyungsoo said, leaning back to rest his head onto the couch, “Anyway, your grades are pretty good.”

Jongdae sighed and snuggled nearer to the wall. He loves this corner of the library with the couch for two. It was usually taken since students like to use it for sleeping. They were lucky enough to snag it before a couple almost took it. 

“How was yours?” Jongdae asked.

“Pretty bad,” Kyungsoo said with eyes closed, “I’ll just work harder next time.”

Jongdae felt bad. Both of them knew that Jongdae was the smarter one between the two of them. Whenever his friend barely pass a test, Jongdae would feel bad for not being much of a help. He thinks it’s his fault that Kyungsoo didn’t get the grade he deserved.

“Jongdae, what did I say about blaming yourself,” Kyungsoo warned.

“Fine,” he huffed.

Jongdae let it go and stayed quiet to give his friend some peace. His thoughts wandered to Yixing and how he fared for the test. He managed to score pretty decently with the course he thought was the toughest. Since Yixing thought it was easy, the elder lad would probably get a higher score than he did.

As if Yixing hear his thoughts, the latter appeared, browsing some book through the shelves. He was with a friend, one who Jongdae usually see with him. If he wasn’t wrong, the said person is named Krystal. The two were really pretty looking and Jongdae was envious of them. He wouldn’t say it aloud but he sometimes wish that he wasn’t born with such sharp and protruding cheekbones. Also, he would be glad if the corner of his mouth wouldn’t quirk up even if he wasn’t smiling. His eyelashes were a burden since he wore glasses most of the time and it was like wiping his lens. He is able to see but he needs them whenever he reads or needs to see something from afar. 

When he was in high school, he was pretty confident but now, he just dislike his appearance. This kind of thoughts goes in and out of his mind, not really lingering much. It’s mostly his stupid past that never flies away.

Jongdae snapped his head up when he sees Yixing going nearer to him. Jongdae feels like both of them at least have broken through that wall of awkwardness or maybe it just applied to Jongdae.

“Hey Yixing,” Jongdae greeted, “How did you fair for the paper that you found easier than I did?”

Yixing managed to quirk a smile and say hello before answering, “I aced it.”

“I knew it!” Jongdae said a little too loudly and he covered his mouth almost immediately.

Yixing laughed and asked him the same question. Jongdae answered back and the latter gave him comfort saying that he at least scored well for something he found so difficult. Jongdae whined a little more, it was usually what he does to Kyungsoo, and Yixing just laughed harder at that. It annoyed Jongdae at how Yixing wasn’t getting annoyed at his whining. It amused Jongdae at the same time.

Krystal told Yixing that she’ll take her seat first. Yixing, who had his back against the wall, stayed to talk to Jongdae. Well, it was mostly Jongdae doing the talking since all Yixing did was laugh. He loved making people laugh. It’s nice to know that you can at least make their day a little better.

“The lecturer was like ‘STOP WRITING! STOP!’” Jongdae went on about his experienced from the exam, “It was so annoying.”

“I think I know that guy!” Yixing replied, laughing in the process, “I don’t really mind him but now that you say it, he’s pretty irritating.”

Jongdae chuckled and looked at his watch. There was ten minutes left before the next lecture. He bid his goodbye to Yixing as the latter needed to pack his stuff and head to class. He woke Kyungsoo up who had some drool on the side of his mouth. Jongdae threw a packet of tissue on his face which got him a glare from his friend. He laughed at the sight and he smiled. Jongdae felt great today. He managed to break the barrier between Yixing and him, and now they became friends. 

“I heard so much laughter near me,” his friend muttered, “Who the heck were you talking to?”

“Yixing.”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow and grinned at him, “Finally warming up to the guy?”

Jongdae just shrugged and his friend added, “Told you he was nice.”

He rolled his eyes and wanted to retort that he already knew that. He was nice even to people that he isn’t supposed to be nice to. 

\--

“It’s finally semester break!” Jongdae exclaimed as he met up with Kyungsoo after their last lesson for the month.

“Yes!” Kyungsoo agreed, “I can finally work and get paid!”

Jongdae frowned at his friend, “Seriously? You don’t want to rest or anything?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and Jongdae informed him, “I’m just gonna stay at home and improve my singing.”

“That’s all?” Kyungsoo asked, bewildered, “You’re not going to work or like do some extra uni stuff?”

He shook his head and said, “I was too tired during the last term break. I was a zombie once school started. I thought I would be making coffee and Frappuccino. Well... I did that but I also washed the dishes, cleaned the toilet, mop the floor and whatsoever while the rest of the staff looked at me as if their stare would help. They seriously abused my position as a newbie.”

Jongdae has had enough of working part time for a while. Even if the paycheck looked good being added to his account, the memories of what he did just to get the money makes him feel like it wasn't worth it. 

Once bitten, twice shy, he thought to himself

The pay was at the minimum the government had imposed on which Kyungsoo, being an economics major student that he is, called it the ‘price floor’ and Jongdae just rolled his eyes at that. 

“How about working at retail shop?” Kyungsoo suggested.

“Nah,” he said, making his decision final, “I’m good.”

“Whatever suits your needs,” the younger lad said.

While walking out of the university ground, they decided that they needed some reward for their hard work. They’ll meet up at the subway station an hour later and go get drunk. Jongdae was excited. It’s been awhile since he last drank. He could control his alcohol level well and so does Kyungsoo. He was silently thankful that he didn’t need to carry his friend back on his shoulder. They might not be able to get back home in one piece

\--

Jongdae dressed in his clothes that he deemed too nice and stylish to be worn just for university. Despite his self-consciousness the other day, he felt confident. His clothes made him feel that. He jogged for a while when he received a text from Kyungsoo asking him to hurry up. 

Once he saw Kyungsoo, he stopped in his tracks when he saw Yixing with him.

“I bumped into him just now, saying he was going to stay home since his friends are all going back to their parents,” Kyungsoo answered his unvoiced question.

Jongdae nodded at that and greeted Yixing. Kyungsoo was wearing all black which didn’t surprise him. It was just that his hair being gelled up made him look really handsome. Meanwhile, Yixing had on fitting pants paired with long sleeved shirt. It was simple but Yixing made it sophisticated. Jongdae got a little bit green-eyed at that.

“Please tell me you can tolerate alcohol,” Jongdae told Yixing jokingly.

“I don’t look like one?” Yixing asked, pouting which Jongdae found totally unfitting for Yixing right then, “Honestly, I have quite a good tolerance level.”

Kyungsoo perked up at that and said, “For alcohol or something else as well?”

Jongdae knew what he meant. He stayed quiet to hear what Yixing have got to answer, “Both?”

Kyungsoo and Yixing laughed at that. Jongdae didn’t know what was so funny but he laughed along. 

“Be careful of Jongdae, Yixing,” his friend warned, “He gets a little too high and honest when he gets much alcohol on his system. He remembers them the next day though, which is the funny part.”

Jongdae hit his friend who was laughing maniacally. People were looking at them in the train but they didn’t care.

“He once told me he was a nephew of Alexander the Great which- ow, Jongdae!- automatically made him Jongdae the Great and Awesome,” his friend just added on.

Blood rushed to his face once the story was out. He couldn’t bear to look at Yixing or at anyone for that matter. He feels embarrassed but the laughter erupting from the elder made Jongdae pout at him.

“I think it does apply,” Jongdae said, making his tone determined and convincing.

Yixing just patted his shoulder and said after calming down from his high, “It’s okay, Jongdae. Sometimes, it’s okay to daydream.”

Yixing and Kyungsoo continued laughing and high-fived each other as if it was such an accomplishment to annoy Jongdae. He almost regretted going out but he doesn’t understand why he just started laughing along with them. 

\--

"This taste so good," Jongdae groaned as he gulped the taste of his fifth glass of alcohol.

"You've been cooped up in that hole of yours too long," Kyungsoo smirked, "This taste normal to me."

"Wait, you've been drinking regularly?" Jongdae asked, eyebrows raised, "No forget that, who have you been doing drinking with?"

His friend sputtered his drink and choked a little. He cleared his throat and changed the topic, "He's a great dancer isn't he?"

Jongdae forgot his question when he gave his attention to Yixing. Damn, he isn't just a great dancer but super hot as well. Jongdae poured himself another drink and gulped his drink slowly as he watched the latter sway his hips to the beat. Jongdae doesn't know if it’s the alcohol acting up but he suddenly felt too hot. 

Yixing caught Jongdae's gaze and he doesn’t know if he saw clearly but he thought Yixing bit his bottom lips and raised an eyebrow. Jongdae felt a shiver run his spine and travelled down to his crotch. Fuck, Jongdae knew this was bad. Having a hard on in public because of his ex who he feels so guilty for ruining his feelings in the past is bad. So so bad but Jongdae feels- no, need to go to that dance floor and just dance along with that sinful body that draws him in like a magnet.

Yixing is a beacon and Jongdae is allured to him like some foolish insect.

Jongdae shook his head and turned his head away, trying to shake the dirty image forming in his mind. He can’t just let his guard down now. Not when he thought he managed to form a wall involving his past. 

"The guy Yixing is trying to pin down, what was his name again? Uh, Sehun from his dance club, will be so lucky, don’t you think?" Kyungsoo said casually as if he just didn’t drop a bomb of information on Jongdae. 

Wait what? Yixing likes Sehun? That handsome guy who can dance like there's no tomorrow? Jongdae shouldn't feel a thing but there was something there. It was like a soft faint of light, so faint that no one can even see it. Jongdae blames the alcohol. That should be it.

"Yeah, so lucky," Jongdae muttered and drank another glass. He made a mental note to drink gallons of water once he got back to his dorm. 

Yixing is too good for a guy like Jongdae, he deserve so much better than a piece of trash. Jongdae scoffed and agreed with his thought. Yeah, so much better than Jongdae.

Yixing came back to their table, smiling widely like an idiot as he took a seat beside Jongdae. He wanted to flinch, Jongdae really did but he masked it. Doesn’t want everything to be awkward again between Yixing and him .

Jongdae was quiet the whole time and only laughing when the two brought up something funny. When Kyungsoo said he wanted to dance before they went home, only did Yixing talked to Jongdae.

"Quiet when drunk, aren't you?" Yixing grinned.

Too sexy, Jongdae thought.

"Am not," Jongdae defended himself.

"Yeah, whatever you say," Yixing singsong.

Yixing leaned back in his seat and draped his arm behind Jongdae's seat. Jongdae tried hard not to lean back because... 

Why is that exactly, Jongdae thought.

"Why don't you dance?" Yixing asked as he leaned towards Jongdae so not to shout because of the music that was blasting so loud that Jongdae can't almost think.

"Two left feet," Jongdae laughed.

"Everybody can dance," the latter said.

"But not well."

"I can teach you."

Jongdae laughed at that thought. He also laughed at how Yixing's breath was tickling his ears and tried not to get red because of the proximity of the latter. 

"Thanks but I'll be a burden," Jongdae leaned back unconsciously. 

"I don't mind," Yixing shrugged, "Come on, what you've got to lose?"

Maybe my mind? Since you're like a living past that I'm trying hard to forget? Jongdae wanted to say that but he was not that drunk. 

"Fine but if you ever get frustrated, remember it was your call," Jongdae warned. 

Yixing chuckled and whispered, "I don't forget."

Jongdae wanted to throw up at that remark. 

\--  
The next day, Jongdae was thankful he woke up without any headaches but he got the shock of his life when he saw that it was already late in the afternoon. The momentary panic was soon gone when he realised that he had no school that day which calmed his racing heartbeat. He went to lie on his back and closed his eyes again. 

Wrong decision.

All the memories about last night came flooding in. He was flirting with Yixing yesterday and the latter was actually flirting back! Or was it him being friendly? Jongdae feels like Yixing is just influenced by the alcohol which made him do that but..

“Stop thinking, you idiot!” Jongdae scolded himself mentally.

He shook his head trying to get the embarrassing and bold moves he did yesterday night because he won’t be able to face Yixing if he doesn’t.

He checked his phone checking for any notifications. He got one message from Kyungsoo saying he is gonna go around to apply for a job. He then checked his gallery and his jaw almost dropped. There were myriads of pictures but one stood out which was him snuggling his face on Yixing’s neck while the elder lad is gulping his can of beer. Oh god, he felt like hiding in his bedroom forever. Was Jongdae that drunk that he forgot that he took this photo? The picture was oozing sensuality which is not actually normal for people who are only starting to be friends.

“But we aren’t exactly friends who are just starting out,” Jongdae whispered to himself.

He wanted to delete it so badly, to forget it and save any embarrassment he will get if anyone sees this but a small part of him actually told him to let it be.

So he let it be.

\--

Jongdae was lazing around his little dorm and was sitting on the couch for almost an hour. Mess was everywhere. There are unwashed dishes, trash and even his shirt is stained. He is usually not like this but what can he do when his surroundings depicts his mind. He doesn’t know how to fix his overthinking so he just leaves it to be like his dorm- messy and untouched.

\--

The next day, he couldn’t take the sight. It wasn’t that he was a clean freak but after all, his nest is his haven. At least he can fix his dorm. It gives him a sense of comfort that he can at least fix something in his life even if it is just his surroundings. He doesn’t want anyone to see that he is still in a mess. He doesn’t want his façade to give away anything. 

He decided that he needed fresh air and to face the world. He might have been a little bit gloomy ever since he woke up because he was sick. Sick of feeling scared all the time. The fact that he was confused about Yixing makes him so scared. He tried so hard to forget the latter and tried to be friends with him but is it even possible without cracking Jongdae’s barrier that he had out around caring for people. 

He isn’t that type of person who’s heartless. No, that’s totally seeing it wrong. It’s more of caring for someone having to creep up under his skin, into his nerve and straight to his heart. He doesn’t want too many people doing that to him. 

If Jongdae was really honest with himself, he still admires Yixing. He can’t just stop feeling, even if it was really almost non-existent, something that was supposed to be gone long time ago. 

Sighing, he laughed to himself. He should be worrying about his studies and not something so superficial. But that’s the thing, it isn’t superficial anymore. 

Or was it?

Is it?

What is it then?

\--

“And now you want to find a job?” Kyungsoo asked, exasperated.

Jongdae shrugged and sipped his drink, acting normal. 

“Is it about something?” his friend asked.

Jongdae didn’t stop drinking. He sipped some more and swallowed his every last bit of emotion. 

“Yeah,” Jongdae answered, revealing the truth, “I realised that if I stay home, nothing will distract me.”

“From?”

“Don’t go there.”

Kyungsoo smiled kindly and chuckled. He saw him drop the subject and the latter looked at his phone and smiled.

“How about you?” Jongdae asked cheekily, “Is there something…?”

Kyungsoo looked so alarmed that he laughed so loud. He cheeks feeling a little over stretched but it feels good to have something to be happy about.

“Fine, there is someone,” Kyungsoo groaned, looking defeated, “He’s a really nice guy but sometimes I want to beat him up so badly because he annoys me to death.”

“But you really really must like him to put up with him,” he said, raising his eyebrow, “Can I see a picture of him?”

Kyungsoo didn’t let him take a look at first but Jongdae was very insistent. He thinks he was a little bit too loud and rowdy towards his friend but that managed to get Kyungsoo to let the mystery guy be seen.

“I’m meeting him tomorrow night to watch him play in a café, maybe you can come with me so you’ll see his face,” Kyungsoo offered.

Jongdae contemplated. He wants to meet the guy that captured his friend’s heart and attention because he wants to warn him that if he ever breaks his best friend’s heart, he might have to castrate him. He is one lucky guy and Jongdae is very happy for both Kyungsoo and whoever the mysterious guy might be. But at the same time, he’s not good with people he meets the first time.

“He’s a really nice guy, you won’t feel awkward with him,” the latter assured, “His other friends are pretty friendly as well.”

“Wait, there are others?” Jongdae asked, wide-eyed.

“I haven’t met all his friends so I’m gonna be almost on the same page as you.”

Jongdae went silent for a while but agreed to it in the end. He’ll have fun.

\--

The crowd had their eyes on Kyungsoo’s guy as he played the guitar well and sang melodiously to it. Jongdae found out that the guy’s name is Chanyeol when Kyungsoo whispered it to him while the said guy was looking directly towards him from the stage. It was one of the rarest moments that he heard Kyungsoo squirm and hide behind his hands from shyness. Jongdae was almost astonished but quietly laughed at him.

The audience clapped kindly and a whistle was heard with it. Both stood up and went to Chanyeol after the crowd around him subsided. 

“You probably must be Jongdae.I heard a lot about you,” Chanyeol smiled brightly, “I’m Chanyeol.”

“I hope they were good stuff,” Jongdae laughs, “Nice to meet you and take care of this fellow.”

“This fellow? Really now Jongdae?” Kyungsoo pouted.

Jongdae was really surprised because Kyungsoo is adorable. His personality seemed to change and he may want to hug the tall guy right that instant because he likes the change.

“My friends are probably coming soon and we’re planning to eat somewhere nearby so let’s go,” Chanyeol announced to them while they were bickering softly to each other.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at Jongdae and smiled sweetly at Chanyeol afterwards. 

Yep, Jongdae definitely likes this guy.

\--

Maybe Jongdae changed his mind a little. 

Apparently, he is now with someone he don’t really want to see or maybe more so on wanting to avoid, but he guess he couldn’t do that anymore. Right in front of him is Luhan who has his girlfriend right beside him. Jongdae knew that it wasn’t the girl he asked for a favour way back in high school but the girl right there was another girl from their high school. While having conversations, he found out that she was a dancer. Jongdae was impressed and a little jealous because he wants to learn how to dance really well but he hadn’t got the chance to. 

If he were to be honest, it was one of the most uncomfortable and most awkward dinners he ever had. Kyungsoo was constantly looking at him but Jongdae ignored it because he doesn’t want to let anyone know that he was not feeling too fine. Instead, he patted Kyungsoo's hand under the table and the latter squeezed his hand for reassurance.

And that’s all he needs.

\--

He found a distraction after a few days of searching and waiting. It was really rare to find a job like this one and it was to be an assistant of a person, named Minseok, who owns a studio. Jongdae was anxious to start. The pay sounds good and he will be doing what he loves but the only problem is if he will enjoy the company of his employer. 

He took time to look presentable, gelling his hair and shaving little stubbles on his chins and cheeks. He exercised his vocal chords while ironing his pants and shirt because it would be more embarrassing to be told that he isn’t fit for the job due to his vocals not meeting expectations rather than being seen by a stranger in his current commando state right then. 

While he stood in front of the studio, he noticed that it was not just for singing lessons but also for dancing lessons. Jongdae scratched the back of his neck at the thought of him going for dance lessons. He is being ambitious in having want to master dancing (partly because he wants to impress someone particular but Jongdae denies the little voice in his head and thinks that it was because he just want to dance like Beyonce or maybe like Michael Jackson) when he is almost mastering singing. He took the lift up to the sixth floor and only when he was halfway through the hallway that he realised that he was on the fifth floor- the dance studios. 

Sighing and feeling embarrassed about what he just did, he hastily walk to the end of the hall where the staircase is. It was just one floor up, Jongdae thinks to himself. He heard some muffled and high pitched laughter from one of the studio. Curious, he glanced into the room through the little glass and he almost choke on his saliva when he saw Yixing dancing seriously while others (which seemed like the other dancers in school) were resting and laughing. He didn’t know he practiced even on holidays but Jongdae does not definitely regret looking inside because the latter’s dance was really mesmerising. 

There was some itch somewhere on his chest when he saw a tall guy approach Yixing and both danced to the repetitive beat of the song. The way they were dancing seemed like they were one and Jongdae thought that some fishbone was definitely stuck in his throat after he ate that fish nugget in the morning. He feels really uncomfortable right then.

Only when he saw Yixing gaze outside the room towards the glass, Jongdae turned away and quickly ran up to the fifth floor.

\--

“Nice to finally meet you, Kim Jongdae,” his boss smiled warmly and shook his hands, “I’m your boss and basically in charge of the singing and dancing department in this building.”

Jongdae didn’t know that. The dancing part. He cried pitifully inside because what can he seriously assist in dancing? He is not confident enough nor experienced in that said area. He can just see in his head how awkward he must look while trying to assist in dancing. 

Dancing.

It still can’t get out of his mind.

“… and you can just call me Minseok,” his boss informed him.

Jongdae patted himself for catching his boss’ last few words. It would have been embarrassing if he was caught not listening. That would have given him a bad first impression.

“Minseok…” Jongdae mumbled, trying out the name out of his mouth.

“Yeah, so basically that’s it for introduction,” Minseok said, “Just shadow me for a few days and you’ll be good. I’ll give you some of my easier workload, since in your resume, you seem capable enough in handling things when it comes to singing and music, yes?”

Jongdae nodded enthusiastically. He can sing and play a little bit of instruments, but yeah, he think he can manage.

He and Minseok went out of the office and started to walk to one of the rooms in the singing floor. There were muffled melodious voices ringing in the hallway and Jongdae felt happy to be in such an environment. He really liked it. 

“We’ll now be visiting, or more like mentoring one of the students here in KMS studio,” Minseok informed him, “He’s up for a competition sometime next week, but he’s having some trouble with his original song.”

“So he has to showcase an originally composed and written song?” Jongdae inquired, “That’s tough.”

“That’s what they are here for,” Minseok smiled at him, “They seek help from us and we let them have a platform for their thoughts in a much conducive environment rather than having their neighbours knocking on their walls to keep the volume down.”

Jongdae laughed at that, memories flooding him with his fellow university mates kicking the other side of the wall just to tell him to keep his voice down late at night.

“I get what you mean,” Jongdae said, smiling to himself.

Minseok grinned at him before he opened the door to someone who was in the middle of singing some unknown melody, probably his own self composed song. The latter ceased his playing as soon as he caught sight of Minseok and smiled warmly at him. 

“Hey, Minseok,” he greeted, and turned his gaze towards Jongdae, “You must be new! I’m Jimin.”

Jongdae nodded with a smile and introduced himself. The latter had a really friendly aura which Jongdae found really comforting. He started to get less nervous for his first job task and sat down with Minseok. The room gives little space for breathing but enough to collect and hear one’s thoughts. 

“Let us see and hear what you’ve been working on,” Minseok asked, or more like stated. Jongdae didn’t have time to figure it out as Jimin started to play the piano flawlessly. Its tone was really unique but at the same time something familiar that Jongdae could connect with. The lyrics while the latter played soothed Jongdae’s ears and he started to close his eyes and swayed to the rhythm of the music piece. 

He flew his eyes wide open when the abrupt silence and the absence of words knocked Jongdae out of his dreaming state. The melody went on without the lyrics and the end touches to the ending of the music were like little tools that were plucking his heart out.

“It’s still incomplete,” Jimin smiled nervously, looking at the both of them, “I was busy finishing the music before filling in the lyrics the past few days. What do you think?”

Minseok didn’t respond. Instead, he looked at Jongdae. Jongdae cleared his throat before speaking, “In my opinion, it was really good. It connected with me and I could feel what you were feeling with the song. Connection with other people through music is good and the bonus point is that the music sounded lovely. Meaning with good music sounds wonderful to me.”

Minseok seemed to agree with Jongdae, nodding slightly. 

“Good work, Jimin,” Minseok commented, “I agree with Jongdae but I need you to work on your lyrics as soon as possible so you’ll have time to practice your music piece.”

Jimin sighed and agreed reluctantly, “Alright but you know how difficult it is to write lyrics especially when it comes to me…”

“And that is why Jongdae is here!” Minseok said cheerfully, “He currently major in Music and has had some experience in composing and writing music so, I’ll leave him here.”

Jongdae looked wildly at the both of them but agreed to his boss’ request nonetheless. 

“I’ll leave you to it, Jongdae,” his boss patted his back, “I have to get going to my friend who is nervous as hell right now due to some competition he has tomorrow.”

With that, Jongdae was left with Jimin. 

Alright, he can do this. Writing music is fun!, he tells himself. If you do not count the struggles to find the right word to fit into the song or the lack of words that seemed to be present in the language, yeah it is definitely fun.

“Have you experienced some weird heart wrenching situation before?” Jimin asked without hesitation.

“Um, yeah, I guess,” Jongdae said. 

He thought back to his horrible high school relationships and he can’t help but shudder a little. Yixing seemed to be the only sane guy that he dated but Jongdae want to forget that they actually dated because who the heck dates in a short period of time? 

“Great,” Jimin said enthusiastically, “We can totally do this.”

“Of course!” Jongdae grinned back. 

\--

Jongdae was lying on the half-hard sofa in the room and groaned. It seemed like he and Jimin were inside the room for years, trying to dig out words 20 feet underground using spoons. Jongdae checked the time and it was almost nine in the evening. Jongdae can’t believe that he spent his whole day inside this rectangular room, with just an hour of food break in between.

“Jimin,” Jongdae whined, “Want to do one more bar?”

Jimin banged his head on the piano and groaned a no. Jongdae laughed at him and patted his shoulders. 

“It’s gonna be fine!” Jongdae told him, “We managed to do quite a fair bit today. I’m sure by tomorrow; we’ll be able to finish it.”

“I hope so,” Jimin grunted.

\--

Jongdae have enjoyed his work so far in the KMS Studio. Even though it has been mentally tiring, he actually enjoyed himself after weeks of helping artists write their songs or chip in some music arrangements now and then. He preferred this over standing the whole day, greeting customers with a bright smile and pretend that his pride didn’t get hurt when customers never return his smile or his greetings. 

He don’t regret a thing right then because he’s making good money plus he is doing what he likes. He is actually happy and content with whatever he is doing for his sem-break. 

“Jongdae, I’m going off soon!” Jimin peeked his head in the small room Jongdae was in, “Thanks for the help again, by the way.”

He waved him off and said, “It’s seriously nothing. It was all your work, Jimin, stop thanking me. It’s been weeks since you won that competition anyway.”

Jimin scoffed, “I wouldn’t have won without you. Okay bye!”

He left before Jongdae could protest and he just shook his head with a smile before continuing working on with the electronica song Minseok have tasked him to compose a week ago. He told him that it should be something that anyone would just feel like bouncing to the rhythm but at the same time sounds flow-y. Jongdae have been struggling for the past few days. He wasn’t an expert on this field but rather on pop, rock, alternative rock or anything that doesn’t involve electronica. 

Jongdae huffed and slumped his head on the table and pressed his keyboard randomly. He sighed and closed his eyes, fingers still clicking on the Ableton Push. Strangely, his fingers started to click in a certain beat that let him reminisce something. 

His mind wandered to the time when he went to the club with Kyungsoo and Yixing. He remembered those flashing of red, blue, green and white lights while he observed Yixing dancing so sinfully in Jongdae’s eyes. How could someone that uses his hips so deliciously turn Jongdae on and make blood rush to his cheeks (he ignored that the other half of his blood rushed to his groin)? Flashbacks of him sitting on Yixing’s lap while they shouted and laughed with their glass full of vodka raised in the air ran through his mind. He remembered Kyungsoo teasing the both of them but everything seemed too hazy. One thing that he remembers a little was Yixing’s hands on his waist and his hot breath on his neck. 

Fuck my life Jongdae groaned to himself and shook himself out of it. He sat back up and just realised that his hand that was on the Push was clicking aggressively as he saw his screen filled with fluctuations of frequencies that he don’t even remember putting. Jongdae paused his recording immediately and listened to the music he just created (while thinking of Yixing in such a sensual way but Jongdae won’t admit that).

“Wow,” Jongdae whispered out loud once he finished listening. 

It sounded really good and he couldn’t believe that he really just made that music. 

“Wow,” he said again, loudly this time, “I should have a life more often.”

Clubbing could actually give him inspirations (totally not because of Yixing and everything about Yixing. TOTALLY NOT. Nope).

\--

“Mr Kim, I’m heading out,” Jongdae called his boss on the phone to inform him.

“How many times do I have to repeat to just call me Minseok,” Minseok grunted, “I sound like an old man in my late 40s or something.”

Jongdae couldn’t help but laughed at that and replied, “Minseok, I’m leaving now.”

He heard some conversation being held on the other side of the line and he assumed that Minseok was talking to somebody else since his boss hasn’t replied him.

“Wait for me in the entrance,” Minseok informed Jongdae, “I’ll be there in a few.”

Jongdae crunched up his face in confusion and groaned inwardly. He wanted to reach the comfort of his home really badly after some intensive day he had with that song writing.

“Alright,” he replied. 

Well, he has to comply. Minseok is his boss after all. Sighing, he repeatedly pressed the lift button down and then took out his phone. He searched for the piece he just created and listened to it once again. He found his foot tapping with the beat and his heart swelled with pride. His first piece of a genre he wasn’t familiar with is almost done (it’s actually well done, in fact). When the lift managed to take him to the ground floor, he was still listening to his music. He was so immersed in it that he bumped into Minseok. He apologised and immediately switched off the music.

“What was that you were listening to?” Minseok asked, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

Jongdae cleared his throat before answering, “Erm, it was the – erm- the music you asked me to make.”

Minseok’s face changed into a look filled with curiosity and excitement that it made Jongdae almost laugh but he stopped himself because Minseok is his boss and he don’t even know if they were on friendly terms yet. 

“Seriously?” Minseok exclaimed, “Cool, can I listen to it now?”

Jongdae hesitated. He doesn’t want to let his boss listen to a piece that wasn’t near perfection and it was quite embarrassing to just give him the piece so informally. Plus, he is afraid that he might see disappointment written on Minseok’s face and Jongdae hates disappointment. He rather gets a rejection letter of the song through email or whatever, just not face to face. This music he just created is the first time he did on something solo. He always collaborated but without anyone to lean on or depend on, it gave Jongdae the drive to make it perfect and not mess up. 

“It’s cut off at some part and such, but I’ll let you get the copy of the finalised version by this week,” Jongdae lied the first part because he doesn’t want to explain a long story. 

“Alright,” his boss smiled at him, “I can’t wait to listen to the song.”

“What song?”

Jongdae turned around at the sound of the familiar voice. It couldn’t be-

“Yixing!” Minseok’s face brightened and greeted him with some handshake, “Nice of you to actually go home relatively earlier.”

“I completed the choreo for the competition way before so I think I got the dance by now and I think my group has been doing well,” Yixing grinned, his dimple showing which made Jongdae’s heart skip or not because it might have been totally because he was tired (right Jongdae, keep telling that to yourself), “I’m just waiting for the new song to come so I can start on it.”

Minseok bumped his fist on Yixing’s shoulder softly and congratulated him. Meanwhile, Jongdae was still standing frozen because Yixing actually works in KMS studio and is a good friend of his boss. He still couldn’t believe his eyes. He thought Yixing was just in the studio for a day or so to practice, not an instructor in the studio and is leading his group (actually, isn’t it his university’s dance group? Jongdae nodded thoughtfully at that) for a competition. He was actually in the same building with Yixing for almost a month!

“The song’s almost ready,” Minseok stated, “My assistant, his name is Jongdae by the way, is completing the song soon and you’ll probably get it by this week.”

Jongdae’s heart almost stopped beating. 

“Wait a minute- the song- my song is what they’re gonna dance to?” Jongdae stuttered, pointing at himself and Yixing back and forth.

He groaned inwardly. He always wondered why Minseok tasked him with the song and he should have known. The guy is in charge of the dance and singing department for goodness sake! What Jongdae is more worried on is that he made the song while thinking of the very man in front of his eyes right then. And that said guy is dancing to that song. 

Jongdae don’t even know what to think of the situation.

“Jongdae! I didn’t know that,” Yixing laughed and looked at him, “And that you actually work for this guy.”

“This guy?” Minseok repeated him, “Hey, what do you mean by that? I’m the best employer out there. Anyway, you actually know each other?”

Yixing nodded and mentioned that they go way back and they go to the same university. 

“Yeah, we do,” Jongdae chipped in, noticing that he hasn’t said much since Yixing arrived. 

They had a little chat before they headed out to take the subway home. Apparently, Minseok has a car but Yixing said that Minseok was too used on taking public transportation to the studio and then it just became a habit. Yixing and Minseok were bickering through the ride and Jongdae was just content on listening. He was mentally tired and he needed food to energise his mind. Talking will just tire him out more. He loves talking- yes- but when he’s tired, his introverted side goes out more. He is ambivert but leans more on his introverted side. Kyungsoo reminds him that he acts like an extrovert most of the time and Jongdae doesn’t argue with that. 

Minseok went down a stop earlier than the both of them. Minseok gave a wave and a smile to Jongdae while he did his handshake stuff with Yixing. 

When they arrived at their stop, Yixing said, “You’re unusually quiet.”

Jongdae scolded himself for being nervous with Yixing. He wasn’t like this last time. So, Jongdae tried to get his act together.

“I’m just mentally tired and hungry,” he replied with a tired smile.

“Was it because of the song?” the latter replied, worry sketched on his face and voice, “We can go to a noodle shop near here before we head home.”

“Yeah, I had a hard time with it because it was my first time composing such genre,” he replied, and paused before nodding at the suggestion of the food. 

At least it’s healthier than his original idea of pizza delivery.

“Sorry about that,” Yixing muttered, “I asked Minseok to compose my group a song for the competition and I-”

Jongdae shook his head and quickly went on, “It’s fine. I mean I enjoyed it and all. Don’t need to worry.”

And composing was a breeze because of you, Jongdae thought.

“Are you sure?” Yixing asked, still worried, “I mean if you’re not done with it yet, you can give it to me and I’ll finish it. I can actually compose songs myself but if you’re tired-”

Jongdae can’t help but break a smile and laugh at Yixing. He was so cute when he worries.

“I’m actually done with it,” Jongdae cut him off and grinned.

Yixing’s face lit up and requested to hear it. Without hesitation, he let him. He took out his phone and let the elder lad listen. He didn’t know why he was okay with letting Yixing hear things that he made which weren’t perfect enough. It was imperfect but Jongdae was more comfortable in letting Yixing hear it than Minseok. Even though the latter is the actual recipient of the song and not Minseok, he wasn’t as worried.

\--

“It’s really awesome” Yixing said once again.

They were sitting in the noodle shop and steaming bowl full of noodle soup in front of them was already served.

“That’s like the millionth time you’re telling me that,” Jongdae crinkled his eyes and laughed again. 

"And I'll repeat it for another million times," the latter grinned playfully, "It's-"

Jongdae took a fishball from his bowl and quickly stuffed the food in the latter's mouth to shut him up. 

"Too much talk, let's eat," he said, going back to his food.

Yixing chuckled and did the same. It was a comfortable silence between them and Jongdae was happy that he finally managed to restore a broken relationship.

\--

It’s been awhile since he was alone with Yixing and he thought that the walk home would be tense and awkward but those thoughts went away as soon as the latter started conversations with him. Jongdae likes it when the other person starts, it makes him less pressured in making conversations. He didn’t mind Yixing talking nonstop, he likes listening to his voice.

Wait, he did not just say that in his mind.

Jongdae shook his head slightly, trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible. 

"I thought my eyes were tricking me that one time I saw you peering in the dance room," Yixing said suddenly.

"Oh, that," Jongdae laughed nervously as he pursed his lips whilst smiling, "Yeah, um- I got off of the wrong floor. You know, first day and all."

He still remember that, of course. With that Sehun guy dancing with Yixing, as if they were molded into one, it is hard to get it off from his memory bank. He tells himself that the memory is tattooed on his mind because of Yixing's dance and so totally not because Yixing was with the guy that the latter has been pinning on.

"If I knew that you were actually there, I would have showed you around," Yixing said, giving Jongdae a sheepish smile.

Jongdae didn't answer on the spot because his gaze landed on the latter's dimple which looked so wonderful and made his heart skip. 

Unconsciously, he started noticing little things about Yixing.

And just about anything that the latter will do, Jongdae will find himself smiling.

"Nah," Jongdae smiles, waving his hand to gesture that it was alright, "Minseok was there. He toured me around just fine."

"Oh," the elder lad responded, he paused and continued before Jongdae would notice the very slight glint of disappointment the latter had, "Yeah, he’s really friendly, isn't he? One moment I was just one of the regular members in the studio and the next, he became such a close friend of mine and appointed me a job there."

"Really?" Jongdae exclaimed, awed, "Wow, that's really great! You deserve it anyway."

“Do I?” Yixing whispered, a little blush creeping up to his face, and smiled to himself, “Well, you really deserve your job in the studio. You sing great and major in music!”

Jongdae laughed and shook his head, “I can’t dance though.”

Jongdae noticed the quick change on the latter’s expression. He seems to have a smirk playing on the corner of his mouth, quirking so subtly almost looking mischievous. Jongdae just found that a tad bit sexy. 

Why am I having such thoughts? he groaned to himself.

“What?” he asked, giving an innocent face to the elder lad, “Hey, what are you thinking?!”

Yixing shook his head and continued his silence. Jongdae protested, whining at him to just give in and tell him.

"You danced just fine on the dance floor though," Yixing started, "You seemed really into it that time."

Jongdae blushed harder than Yixing did earlier on. He don't remember dancing properly but he knew he was dancing with Yixing, bodies close to each other and hands groping the elder's lad all over. Jongdae groaned at the thought, but he was drunk and people tend to do foolish things when high on alcohol. 

"I meant like how you dance with Sehun!" Jongdae blurted out, embarrassed that the latter mentioned his (dirty) dancing, even embarrassing himself further by revealing that he somewhat stalked him from his dancing.

"Ah, like that," Yixing grinned, eyes hiding little mischief that Jongdae finds so sexy, "And how do I exactly dance with Sehun?"

Jongdae knows that this is teasing and he apparently likes it. It makes him feel like a young teenage boy raging with hormones and that his crush is finally noticing him.

That's right. Jongdae gave in and realised that he was in denial all along with his little crush on the guy right in front of him.

"Forget it," Jongdae mumbled, turning his head away.

Silence followed and then a burst of laughter came from Yixing. Surprised, he looked at the latter, pouting with furrowed eyebrows.

"How can you be so cute?" Yixing stated, his voice sounding as if he was conversing about the weather.

Jongdae doesn't know how to respond with his mind screaming at him that Yixing finds him cute! He was squealing inside and was definitely thankful that his dorm came into view.

"Have a nice night, Yixing," Jongdae said avoiding having to reply Yixing, waving goodbye and headed quickly to his dorm.

He don't actually know if he heard the elder lad correctly because he heard, "I already did."

That just made him dash a little quicker back to his room.

\--

The following day in the KMS studio, Jongdae was in his room that Minseok assigned him so he could continue working on the music piece he was tasked to. He felt his eyes drop while his head rested on his left hand. He wasn't able to get much sleep thanks to Yixing's last comment which made him toss and turn the whole night. 

He knew he won't be able to polish his music piece if he isn't fully awake. He stood up from his seat and stretched. He decided to walk around for a while and voices echoed through the hallway as he went out of his room. He was passing the rooms and caught sight of Minseok mentoring one of his students. They were laughing heartily and Jongdae can't help but smile with them. He now understands why Minseok set up such company. Helping these people accomplish and be a part of the pursuit for their passion is greatly rewarding.

Before Jongdae knew it, he unconsciously went a level floor down to the dancing rooms. He cant help but feel like he was intruding because he rarely goes down to this level. He was casually checking out each room to not look suspicious that he was actually looking for someone specific. 

He suddenly hears Yixing's name being called out and he stopped in his tracks once he saw which room the elder lad is in. He tried to hide himself and positioned himself diagonally across the glass panel to avoid being caught. He saw how they were dancing something that resembles street dancing. The sound of basses booming on the ground were one and the same with their dancing. Jongdae soon got mesmerised and stood there just to watch them like he was some forbidden fanboy. 

Yixing's crew seemed to have dispersed somewhere in the room until he could only see Sehun with him. It was probably their turn. 

When the song started to play, they locked their moves from their very start and it soon got into dancing with lots of intimacy. He saw Sehun touch him in ways that looks too sensual which might results in many fangirls screaming their life out. Yixing reciprocated the touches and something inside Jongdae clenched. It started to get harder to breath but maybe it was just because he didn't get enough sleep last night. He should not have some icky emotions just because he sees his eye candy dancing with somebody else. 

Jongdae doesn't seem to be mesmerised anymore, turning his head away and started to go back up. He was met with a body crashing against him. The latter had such a firm body that their collision resulted him to fall backward. 

It was like those cliche dramas where the fallen gets caught in the arms of a handsome and tall young guy. But Minseok wasn't that tall so maybe it wasn't as cliche as it would have been.

The room to where Yixing was in opened. The music blasting is louder and he hears the other members go out of the room, probably having a break. Jongdae couldn't care less as he is awkwardly in the arms of his boss who seemed taken aback by the situation and later chuckled.

"What are you doing down here?" Minseok asked, amused.

Jongdae scrambled out of the grip of his boss and stuttered, "I- uh- couldn't work properly. So I looked for inspiration."

Something twinkled in Minseok's eyes and his boss just laughed. 

"I thought inspirations were supposed to help in creating music," Minseok said, grinning as he helped Jongdae stand on his feet properly, "Not polish it up."

Jongdae smiled sheepishly and sighed in defeat.

"I couldn't really work on the music," Jongdae said truthfully, "I was a little worn out so I decided to walk around for a bit."

Minseok's smile was gentle that almost seems to say that he understood. Jongdae started to like his boss more (not that way you are thinking).

His boss suggested saying, "If you want, you could accompany me to the bakery shop nearby since Yixing wanted some food for his crew."

That shocked Jongdae because the fact that the boss was getting the food and not the employee was saying something. 

"Uh, sure!" Jongdae replied.

Minseok beamed and said, "Give me a minute, I'll just tell Yixing."

He walked passed him into the dancing room that Yixing is in. Jongdae trailed behind and took a peep, glancing by the side of Minseok's head.

"Xing!" Minseok called him out, stopping Yixing from his dancing to turn and face him, "I'm gonna head out soon, anything to add on to your list?"

Jongdae's eyes trailed Yixing’s body and tried really hard not to stare a second too long. The latter’s shirt was soaked with sweat and it was sticking like a second skin on Yixing. Jongdae could almost see the outlines of his taut stomach and, really, he tried his best not to stare but he can’t look away. He decided he needed to leave the room, fast. 

He headed out of the dance room, not bothering to say his greetings. He heard Minseok tell Yixing to stay, and that Jongdae was going with him. Jongdae heard some muffles and heard Minseok groaned before he saw his boss step out of the dance room. 

“He told me to give him a minute,” Minseok informed Jongdae, rolling his eyes, “He’s coming with us.”

Jongdae gulped and gave a quavering smile, “Uh- yeah, sure.”

He pursed his lips and sighed silently. Minseok gave him a "well what can you do" look and shrugged. Jongdae laughed at the gesture and shook his head signalling him that it was fine.

"Sorry for the hold up," Yixing suddenly said, sauntering out of the room, wearing a black wife beater. His hands were busy fixing his hat (as if he needs fixing, Jongdae scoffed in his mind) while giving Jongdae a warm smile.

That totally didn't do anything to his stomach. His stomach churned surely because he was hungry. 

"Let's go," Minseok announced, heading towards the lift with Yixing by his side.

Jongdae paced himself with them and wondered if he should just stay since Minseok doesn't seem to need his company.

He scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly, “Should I still go with you guys?”

Both men turned their heads at him. Yixing firmly said, “Yes” while Minseok gave him a questioning look,“Why not?”

Jongdae just smiled at the both of them.

\--

The bread shop they found was about 15 minutes walk away from the building to which they were all grateful for as the clouds started to descend and turn the blue sky gray. The door gave a ring from a bell as they all entered, blending in with the background music of the shop. The sweet aroma of the bakery filled Jongdae’s nose and made his stomach growl. He laughed to himself as he saw Yixing rush a little to the trays of breads laid in containers and trays. He walked towards him, positioning himself by his side. 

“Everything looks appetising,” Yixing commented in awe as he looked around the selection of breads.

Jongdae raised his eyebrows and replied, “You’re just hungry.”

“I’ve been dancing for hours,” Yixing defended playfully, “I will be hungry.”

“That’s the point,” Jongdae argued back.

Minseok slotted himself in between them and piped in, “Okay guys, just select the bread and we’ll go.”

Yixing replied pointing at the youngest, “He doesn’t think that they look appetizing though.”

He gave Yixing a confused look and scoffed, “I did not say that.”

Minseok pushed them apart and groaned, “For god’s sake, it's just bread!”

Yixing gave Jongdae a playful smirk and turned his attention to the bread again. Jongdae smiled to himself and went to look around. He suddenly heard a phone ring and he looked behind him to find Minseok struggling for his phone. Jongdae turned away his head but still aware of what his boss’ was saying on the phone.

“Ah, must it really be now?” Minseok asked with a tone hinting annoyance.

There was silence and the person on the other line was probably giving myriad of reasons to Minseok as he hear his boss sigh in defeat, saying a “Fine, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Gotta go?” Yixing asked him.

Both seemed to communicate with their eyes before the Minseok sighed and shrugged, “They're always requesting me at the very last minute.”

Minseok smiled at Jongdae and bid his goodbye. Yixing continued roaming around the bread shop while Jongdae was on the other side. 

“Mocha!” Jongdae exclaimed, “There’s mocha bread here, Yixing!”

Yixing looked up from his place, stopping his tongs in mid air and smiled.

“Want some?” the elder lad asked, “I can put it on the tray with mine.”

Jongdae almost agreed but realisation hit him as he patted his pocket. 

“Shit, I left my wallet back there,” Jongdae groaned.

“Nah, that’s fine,” Yixing dismissed him as he walked towards Jongdae, taking the bread, “I’ll pay it.”

“I’ll pay you back later,” he said.

“It’s fine,” Yixing repeated, “It’s just a mocha bread.”

“But-” 

Yixing put his finger on Jongdae’s lips, shushing him while looking around the breads. His heart definitely didn’t skip a beat. There’s no way.

Jongdae trailed Yixing around, and finally finished his selection. They left the shop, bags on the latter’s side. 

“Oh, by the way, want some bubble tea?” Yixing asked, “There’s one on the way.”

“Nah, I told you I didn’t bring my wallet,” Jongdae laughed, “But why don’t you buy one for yourself then.”

“It’s on me,” Yixing said and when the younger lad started to protest, the latter immediately interrupted saying, “I had a raise so shush.”

“But Yixing-” Jongdae didn’t realise it but he was starting to whine and the latter seemed so amused by it.

“But Jongdae,” Yixing cooed then laughing the next.

The younger huffed and sighed, exasperated.

“Aw don’t be mad,” Yixing joked, “Fine, I’ll buy one and let’s share. That’s the final offer.”

Jongdae agreed, not wanting to give the public a show with his whining. As they walked towards the bubble tea shop, he just realised how embarrassing he must have looked in front of his eye-candy.

Oh my god, he is my eye-candy, Jongdae blushed at the thought. This handsome and undeniably hot guy queuing up for a bubble tea is his eye-candy.

Once Yixing managed to buy the drink, he came towards him, grinning like a little child. He laughed at the latter’s expression and tried to suppress the uneasiness that’s growing in him because the apple of his eye is beside him. 

Jongdae wished that he didn’t come to that realisation.

“There you go,” Yixing handing him the cup, “Give me those.”

The elder lad snatched the bag in his grasp. Jongdae drank in bliss, it’s been awhile since he drank such a drink.

“Hey give me some!” Yixing protested, holding his other free hand to the drink and drank it, then giving it back to him.

Jongdae swallowed at the unintended kiss and he can’t help but groan at how crazy he sounded. 

“You can drink all of it,” Yixing laughed, looking at him, “I won’t say anything.”

Jongdae mumbled a thanks and drank the drink silently. He was glad that Yixing gave him the drink because he couldn’t seem to stop drinking.

\--

They were chatting endlessly until Yixing has to go inside the dance room. He could see the dancers scrambling around the bag and before he could remember that he was bought the mocha bread, Sehun managed to snatch it. 

The disappointment was real. He had been really wanting to eat the bread that Yixing bought for him.

The thought that Yixing’s crush gotten his bread didn’t make him mutter to the latter about his stolen bread. He hears Minseok’s voice resounding in his head , “It’s just bread for goodness sake!”

“Hyung!” Sehun exclaimed and Jongdae cringed at it, “Why didn’t you buy me bubble tea?”

“Hmm?” Yixing hummed.

“The guy you went with have bubble tea,” Sehun pointed out.

Jongdae just realised that he had been standing at the entrance, preventing the door from closing.

“Sorry, Sehunnie,” Yixing apologised, chuckling (Jongdae disdained that nickname), “Next time I’ll- Hey! Is that the mocha bread?”

Sehun shrugged and took the last bite of the bread. Jongdae sighed and shook his head. He decided to leave the room, reminding himself that he needs to finish his composition for Yixing’s crew to dance to.

Jongdae took the lift up, and he didn’t know if he hallucinated or not because he thought he saw Yixing going out of the room, calling out his name.

\--

“Finally!” Jongdae shouted triumphantly to no one in the room.

He stood up from his chair and felt the ache of his legs from the lack of movement for the past hour. Jongdae bend down to squint at his screen and pressed play to listen to the complete piece he is so very proud of. 

As soon the music started, he couldn’t help but tap his feet and dance a little to his song. He may seem to be a little too proud of his composition but it was the first time his piece will be used and known to the public.

Unknown to him, the door to his room opened, who closed it lightly to not distract him, and that certain person was just watching him amused.

Once the song stopped, Jongdae seemed to notice the latter, jumping from fright.

“God, Yixing, you scared the shit out of me,” he said chuckling, putting his hand over his own chest.

The latter chuckled and went inside, commenting, “The song sounds more polished and so good.”

Jongdae bit his bottom lip, suddenly feeling shy. He scratched the back of his neck and muttered, “Thanks.”

Jongdae wondered what brought the latter here and frowned up at him, giving him a questioning look, “And what brings you here?”

The latter handed him a plastic bag, smiling softly and said, “Oh I bought you mocha bread times two, to make it up for just now.”

Jongdae looked at him wide-eyed. He didn’t expect the latter to actually buy again. Well, it was not surprising for Yixing to do such thing but to do such flattering thing for Jongdae, it made his heart swell. Such a small thing, he can’t help but find it so sweet. 

“Oh, wow, thanks Yixing!” he said brightly, immediately taking the bread out of the bag to take a bite.

The latter’s eyes seemed to fall into smaller crescents as he saw the younger lad gleefully eating the bread. 

Yixing took one of the rolling chair in the corner of the room to slide it next to Jongdae and looked curiously upon the song the younger lad was working on.

Jongdae squirmed when Yixing got closer for comfort and also, felt nervous. It felt like the latter was scrutinising his work or more like his bare soul. 

Please don’t let him be reminded of the club we went to last time when he hears this song he prayed to no one. 

“You’ve done well!” Yixing praised, giving him a fond smile. 

“Ah, thank you, Yixing,” he replied, this time he could not help a blush creeping out on his cheeks, “It means a lot to me.”

The latter gave his shoulder a squeeze and he just smiled and stared at Jongdae. The younger lad directed his gaze on the latter’s dimples, feeling his heart melt but soon felt a lump on his throat as he realised that both have been staring too long to be considered normal. 

I- am i having feelings for him? Like deep feelings? he thought to himself, I can’t do that. Especially not to Yixing. I swore he deserve much better than me. 

Jongdae cleared his throat, looking away and kept chanting like a mantra No feelings! No feelings! NO FEELI-

His thoughts were interrupted when Yixing stood up and asked with a smile, “Wanna go home together?”

As cliche it can be, his head said NO FUCKING WAY WOULD YOU GO HOME WI- but his heart interrupted big time screaming, FUCKING YES JUST GO WITH HIM

So he decided that Heart convinced him quite well.

\--

Before he knew it days turned into weeks, Jongdae’s semester break getting shorter and shorter much to his dismay. His break had been amazing. His daily home routine became going home with Yixing, eating dinner with him and sometimes having lunch with him reason being “ having to be cooped up in the music box of yours, Jongdae, isn’t really doing you good” and of course Jongdae was willing to do what the latter said because he loves to please the people he cares for. He would be lying if he said he didn’t develop feelings for Yixing because he eventually did. Those little actions, like mocha bread or bubble tea surprises, and those little chats he had with the dancer made it impossible to stop falling deep with the older lad. 

He knows he is screwed big time when Yixing was sat beside Sehun during a lunch ,which Jongdae ate with Yixing’s crew, and he felt jealousy bubbling up his chest. It was a horrible feeling and he couldn’t swallow his lunch. Everytime he looked up, he saw Yixing giving Sehun such bright smile and the way Sehun tease Yixing makes Jongdae wanna throw up. Hansol, one of the dancers that sat beside him asked if he was fine, and he gave him a fake incredulous of course. 

He couldn’t finish his food and he feels really uncomfortable. He know he shouldn’t gets his hopes up and he already told himself that Yixing will never look at him that way after what he did to the latter years ago. 

He tried calming his thoughts down and was grateful when he felt his phone vibrate and got surprised when ‘Boss Minseok’ was blinking on his screen. 

“Uh, hello?” He said picking up his phone, “Minseok?”

“Ah, Jongdae!” the latter replied, “Where are you now?” 

Jongdae frowned but chuckled saying, “I’m at a cafe near the building having lunch, why?” 

He could feel a slight disappointment on the line as his boss didn’t reply for a while. 

“I was just wondering if you wanted to accompany me here in Starbucks or something,” Minseok said, “But it’s fine!”

Jongdae wasn’t aware that among the bickering around the table, Yixing was listening intently.

“Are you alone?” Jongdae asked, worried and guilty that he would be leaving his boss alone. 

He learnt that being there for someone who is alone is a great way to be a friend. It’s not like he wanted to escape his miserable lunch or anything. 

“Yea,” Minseok’s voice trailed on, “They currently have that one for one promo-”

Jongdae leaped up at that opportunity. Yixing wouldn’t mind, right? He had his crew (more like Sehun he said grumbling to himself) with him. 

“Say no more, Seok,” he said grinning, “I’ll be there in a few.”

“Really? If I knew discounts could lure you in, I would have done that long ago,” his boss saying nonchalantly.

What is that suppose to mean?

“Ah, I’m tight on money, you know that,”Jongdae whined, “Anyway, see you!”

With that, he hung up and turned to Yixing to inform him that he has to leave only to jolt a little to see that the latter was looking at him expectantly. 

“Minseok?” the latter asked, voice sounding different from the usual.

“Yea,” he said to the latter, almost stuttering suddenly nervous out of a sudden, “He- he is alone and I think I should give him company. That’s fine with you right?”

Yixing gave him a small smile and nodded slightly. Jongdae was suddenly hesitant to go further away from Yixing because he admits that the elder lad is his medicine and vitamin everyday but he knew he shouldn't get too attached. Letting go is the worse part.

“Thank you,” he said while standing up and bidding his goodbye to Yixing’s crew.

“Same plans later?” Yixing called out before he headed out.

He gave a smile and replied, “Same as always.”

\--

“How’d you manage to escape?” Minseok asked, eyebrows raised while sipping his cup of iced americano. 

Jongdae laughed and shook his head, “There’s no need to escape, I just told Yixing I’m accompanying you here.”

“Hmm,” Minseok hummed, as if he wanted to say something.

Jongdae don’t really like pursuing what people wanted to say if they didn’t want to blurt it out. It will either come out or not, he doesn’t want to be seen as pushy, so he let it go.

While they ate their cakes and drank their cup of coffee quietly, which Jongdae found surprisingly comfortable since he usually has to talk if the latter isn’t talking, his ears seemed to have heard someone really familiar. He ignored it at first but the laughter had gotten louder and Jongdae just couldn’t shake the feeling the he knew that laugh. So he turned his head towards the sound and soon a smile crept on his lips. 

“Baekhyun!” he called out, “Baek!”

His long time best friend turned to Jongdae and the surprised looked on him was really hilarious, according to Jongdae anyway. Baekhyun quickly scrambled from his place, leaving his group of friends behind to take a seat with them. He gave Jongdae a high-five and a shoulder bump and then introduced himself to Minseok.

“I’m Minseok,” his boss greeted.

“He’s my boss,” Jongdae piped in, not wanting Baekhyun to get the wrong idea.

Baekhyun nodded to acknowledge it but the glint present in his eyes made Jongdae nervous. He always had that glint when he had managed to lock on a prey for his romantic ventures. Ever since they graduated, Baekhyun had been a more adventurous type when it came to finding romances and was always willing to go for blind dates. He may have had loads of experience and all but he never managed to stay with one person for more than a month or so. If Jongdae could remember perfectly, it was actually Yixing he managed to be with the longest. 

And Jongdae found that memory disdainful.

“Are you sure he never mentioned me before?” Baekhyun asked again, pouting at Jongdae who replied with a shrug.

“I don’t gossip with him at work,” Jongdae said.

Baekhyun faked a shock and exclaimed, “I am not a topic for gossip!”

Jongdae rolled his eyes and laughed, “But how else will anyone be talking about you then?”

Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows and smacked the younger lad’s head. Jongdae took offence and hit him back. They were just like little kids, just the same as they were and his friendship with Baekhyun is one of the very few things that he would never want to change. 

Minseok cleared his throat and both completely halted in their bickering.

“Sorry for that,” Jongdae said sheepishly, “He’s usually like this.”

Baekhyun frowned at him and said, “It’s because you trigger it!”

“Jongdae has a knack for triggering the different buttons with people’s lives,” Minseok chipped in, giving a toothy smile before sipping his coffee, “In a good way, though.”

Jongdae gave him a confused look, chuckling at his comment. He wasn’t aware that he could actually change people or make them do things they don't usually do. He is just a guy trying to change his ways of old- to finally change his regretful past and finally be able to move on completely

\--

Baekhyun offered to walk with them back to the building. Jongdae could clearly see that his best friend is completely smitten with his boss and he is probably using the excuse of I just wanna spend more time with Dae in order to know where to visit Minseok.

While they’re on the way, Jongdae gave an incredulous look at Minseok when Baekhyun got his boss’ number at ease.

“He usually has to work extra hard to get another’s number,” Jongdae joked.

“Well, he’s your friend and I’m a nice guy,” Minseok said, grinning at him.

“That you are,” Baekhyun muttered to himself which only Jongdae heard.

He shook his head, chuckling as he predicts to see Baekhyun now and then in the studio for his romantic pursuits. His thoughts got cut off when he saw Yixing heading out of the building. His smile was wiped from his face almost immediately when he saw Sehun by his side. Wanting to put a facade, he gave a tight smile, hoping to fool everyone, even himself, that he is not in fact so affected by seeing Yixing with Yixing’s love interest. 

“Ah,” Baekhyun whispered and followed it with a soft curse.

Jongdae wants to laugh miserably as he realised that Baekhyun was once Yixing’s boyfriend. 

“Baekhyun, you told me before you had a meeting soon?” Jongdae lied, trying to hint to his best friend to leave.

“That's true,” Baekhyun said almost immediately, “I forgot the time, well, I’m going off! Bye Jongdae, Minseok. I’ll see you around.”

Baekhyun quickly scampered away, leaving behind a confused Minseok. He was quickly out of sight the moment Yixing got closer to them, but no doubt saw Baekhyun still. Jongdae swallowed with difficulty, a huge lump stuck in his throat.

“Hey,” he managed to croak.

Yixing gave a smile, one that is almost different but the change is almost untraceable only if one doesn't pay close attention. Jongdae, though, pays the closest attention to Yixing. 

“Sehun and I are about to head to the bubble tea shop,” Yixing said with a smile and Jongdae felt like he wanna just be a puddle on the ground when saw the latter’s dimple, “Wanna join?”

“No thanks,” Jongdae said almost immediately, shocking himself, “I mean I got stuff to do so…”

Minseok laughed and piped in, “You only had cappuccino and that’s only half a cup.”

“Ah then we better get going,” Sehun said cheerfully, “Let’s go, Xing hyung.”

Yixing gave an apologetic smile as he waved them goodbye while he being dragged by Sehun. Jongdae gave back another wide and tight smile before heading to the building.

“Baekhyun seems interesting,” Minseok said out of nowhere while they were on the lift.

“He is,” Jongdae replied with no hesitation, “He’s a really nice and awesome guy.”

“Hmm,” Minseok hummed, nodding at the same time.

The lift gave a ring indicating they reached their destinated floor.

“Well, I’ll see you when I see you,” Jongdae said, opening his work room, “Thanks for the lunch.”

Minseok gave a cheery laugh and replied, “It was just coffee. And if you need someone, just give me a ring.”

With that, they went back to their work.

\--

Jongdae had his head slumped on the table while his hand was holding a pencil which was doodling on a music sheet. He had been staring at Jimin’s music for a while now and he was suppose to help the latter improve it but he doesn't seem to have the mood for it. His mind always drifted off to think of something or more like someone else. 

Just on cue, that particular someone knocked on his door and Jongdae groaned a come in.

“Hey,” Yixing said softly, “I’m bringing you some mocha bread and some lemon tea, since Minseok mentioned that you didn’t actually eat during your lunch with him.”

Jongdae’s heart swelled a bit more with Yixing’s gesture.

“I ate when I was with you guys,” Jongdae replied, beckoning the latter to come closer as he placed another rolling chair beside him, “But thank you.”

Yixing gave him a raised eyebrow, “Picking your food isn’t eating.”

Jongdae gave a sheepish smile and shrugged, “You caught me.”

The latter laughed and Jongdae thought he heard his favourite music come on. His laughs were amazing. The latter ruffled his hair lovingly and sat down with him (Jongdae so did not squeal on the inside like an immature fangirl who met his idol for the first time). 

Jongdae did not realise he was really hungry until the bread reached his mouth and moaned in delight. Baekhyun used to tease him how he makes funny noises whenever he eats his favourite foods and Jongdae just glared back.

“Thank you so-”

He suddenly started choking from his bread when he saw Yixing looking straight at him, with such a soft smile on his face.

“You always look happy when you eat food,” Yixing commented.

Jongdae laughed and swallowed before replying, “Well, I love mocha.”

“That’s obvious,” the latter replied.

A comfortable silence passed as Jongdae ate his bread. Yixing was examining the sheet score on his table and seemed to be doing Jongdae’s job. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Jongdae said, “Haven’t you got a dance practice to go to?”

Yixing didn’t reply immediately, only after a minute has passed he replied, “I used to do this here before I started an official dance crew, I kinda miss it. And I left Sehun in charge for now.”

Just the mention of that guy’s name make Jongdae’s skin crawl so badly. 

“Ah,” he replied.

Yixing suddenly lightly smashed the pencil down on the table and turned to face him, asking, “Wanna go to this museum that opened up recently?”

Jongdae just blinked back at him, surprised at being asked out, “Uh- I’m- uh- yeah sure.”

Yixing gave him a huge smile, “I’ll pick you up outside your dorm tomorrow, at around 11?”

The younger lad just nodded and was still stunned that Yixing asked him out. He could still hear Yixing’s laughter even when the older lad is gone from the room.

Am I making the right decision of letting myself in his heart again? he thought to himself.

\--

Jongdae woke up groggily from the sound of his alarm, groaning to turn it off. He couldn’t sleep yesterday night, too busy fidgeting about their “date” but Jongdae isn’t sure because Yixing didn’t actually mention it as a date.

Their trip home last night didn’t help especially with Yixing’s increasing fleeting touches and Jongdae is so confused whether the latter is just being himself or he is giving hints.

But doesn’t he like Sehun?, he thought.

Too much thoughts came into his mind had kept him awake all night. 

He stared at the ceiling for a while before deciding to get ready. He has already picked what he is going to wear the moment he got home yesterday night. It took a while to find something that he was happy with which could have probably added to the reasons why he couldn’t get much sleep.

He grab a quick bite before heading out, checking his watch now and then, making sure he isn’t early nor late for the meetup. 

He jogged towards their meet-up place as soon as Yixing was in his sight, cursing himself for making the latter wait.

“I’m sorry,” he said between pants, “Did I make you wait?”

“I was right here the moment I saw you walking out of your dorm building,” Yixing said with a smile, “No worries.”

Jongdae who has stopped panicking managed to clearly look at Yixing, his outfit making him hotter than he actually is. He looks the same “hot” when the younger lad went out with him to the club, but this time, a casual hot guy in his tight pants and checkered long sleeved top. It was simple but mouth-watering. Jongdae got a little green-eyed at how the older lad can make clothes looks so good.

“I’m planning to take a cab there,” Yixing told him, “It’s a little far from here.”

Jongdae shrugged, gesturing for him to go ahead. He realised that he actually don’t know where they were heading but he let Yixing lead him. When they managed to hail a cab, Jongdae asked why he doesn’t have dance practice.

“I told them we all deserve a break since the competition is this weekend,” Yixing informed him, “Even if it’s just for a day.”

Jongdae was glad and at the same time disappointed. He was glad because Yixing didn’t choose anyone from his dance crew -ahem, Sehun- to join him during his break and asked Jongdae instead but disappointed because he thought the older lad purposely gave his crew a break just to ask him out. 

You aren’t that important, idiot, he told himself, Maybe he just wants to hang out in a museum and you told him before you like museums and maybe Sehun doesn’t. 

He nodded his head slightly and smiled but it immediately disappeared when the thought of being used as a replacement- as a second choice, or maybe not even in the third choice- kind of hurts but he tries to look at the brighter side of things. At least he gets to hang out with his crush, right?

“By the way, I saw Baekhyun the other day,” Yixing suddenly said, “How is he?”

“Ah,” Jongdae laughed nervously, “Well, Minseok is his next pursuit, I guess.”

Yixing laughed loudly at that and gave a lopsided smile, “I wonder if Minseok will reciprocate. Baekhyun isn’t Minseok’s type.”

Jongdae agreed, “I already told Baekhyun that but you know him.”

A sad smile ghosted Yixing’s lips before it soon went away, “Yeah, I do.”

“What’s Minseok’s type anyway?” Jongdae asked, wanting to change the topic.

Yixing turned to him, giving him a teasing smile, “Why? Are you interested?”

He flushed red at his comment, slapping Yixing’s arm, “Ya! I’m not, I’m asking for the interest of Baehyunnie.”

The latter just raised his eyebrows, still teasing. Jongdae didn’t get his answer and he let it go if Yixing doesn’t want to talk about it.

The rest of the ride was one of the best conversation he had with the latter. He can actually name it the best ride he had with Yixing (better yet if I actually can do it literally Jongdae sighed and blushed at the thought).

\--

The whole day, it felt like Jongdae is falling harder by each time the second hand ticked. Everything about Yixing is perfect and every single thing he dreamt of in a boyfriend is perfectly done by the guy right in front of him. He feels so guilty for feeling like this because he doesn’t want Yixing to fall for him as well. He feels like he isn’t good enough and just the thought of him using Yixing in the past made him feel sick. The sudden change in his mood was quickly noticed by the latter who asked if everything was fine. 

“Yeah, just fine,” Jongdae lied.

“Hmm, no you aren’t,” Yixing said, putting an arm around his shoulder, “Is there something I said?”

Jongdae shook his head and smiled softly, “It’s really nothing, Yixing. I’m enjoying myself a lot, I guess it’s all the walking but other than that, I’m totally fine.”

Yixing chuckled and cocked his head, “I’ll let it pass this time, Jongdae. I’m not that clueless about you.”

There he goes again making comments that I don’t know how to respond to, he groaned to himself.

The rest of the day went on with Yixing’s hand around his neck which continued down to his lower back, surprisingly, Jongdae didn’t even notice it, too busy listening to Yixing’s stories about his life, and he couldn't be more contented at his current situation.

\--

They both got off in front of Jongdae’s dorm, the chilly night greeting their skin. 

“I really had fun today, Yixing,” Jongdae said, “Thank you.”

“Thank you as well,” the latter replied with a soft smile, “We should do this more often.”

Jongdae gave him a cheery smile, replying, “Sure and oh- by the way, just text me the place and the time I need to be there at the dance competition. I’m not really great at remembering these things.”

“Sure,” Yixing nodded.

Jongdae didn’t know what he was actually waiting for, feeling like he doesn’t want to leave Yixing’s side. But then… they aren’t actually together so, he really really doesn’t know what he is waiting for. 

“Have a good night,” he finally said, starting to walk towards his dorm but Yixing grabbed his hand, stopping him from his tracks.

“Jongdae, there’s something I want to say,” the latter said in a serious tone that makes Jongdae’s hair on the back of his neck stand.

What is it? Did I do something wrong? Is he going to say he had a bad night? What? What is -

His thoughts got interrupted when Yixing’s phone started ringing. Jongdae managed to get a quick glimpse who the caller was and no doubt it was Sehun. If he isn’t mistaken, it had a heart beside his name. Jongdae thought he heard cracks but maybe it’s just the thunder.

“Just tell me when we meet,” Jongdae said quickly, wanting to leave all of a sudden, “I’ll see you soon!”

With that he left Yixing who gave him back an apologetic smile. 

He doesn’t have to feel sorry for me, he thought, I mean I used him in the past, so I deserve whatever I get from him.

\--

Days passed in a breeze as Jongdae found himself burying his nose on stacks of music homework he neglected and his ‘students’ composed music. He barely had anything to eat for days and he missed Yixing’s visit now and then but knew he would get none because the latter is too busy preparing for his dance competition, even barely present in the building. He found out that after their museum trip, the dance crew had to rehearse on the actual stage the whole day. 

Sunday night came all too quickly. Yixing gave him the address and told him to be there by 6pm. Jongdae didn’t want to come alone, he was supposed to go with Minseok but his boss had other errands to do, so he begged Kyungsoo to come along. The latter agreed only if Chanyeol could come and that’s how he ended up kinda being in the third wheel as they are standing in the midst of the crowds in front of a wide stage. 

“I feel more alone than ever,” Jongdae said bitterly with a hint of a teasing tone.

“Too bad then,” Kyungsoo replied, “Get yourself a boyfriend then or a girlfriend if you want.”

Jongdae scoffed at him, shaking his head. 

“How can you stand him, Chanyeol?” he said, looking up to the guy because he is freaking damn tall.

“He’s perfect,” the lad said, laughing while kissing the top of Kyungsoo’s head. 

Jongdae made a gagging sound, earning him a few glares from the people around him. The glares soon stopped once the emcee shouted a GOOD EVENING EVERYONE, making Jongdae flinched at the blaring speakers.

The emcee introduced the crews that were dancing that night and enthusiastically announced the grand prize which made Jongdae’s jaw drop. He didn’t know the sum of money is huge but come to think of it, they have to split it among the members.

Jongdae wasn’t really paying much attention to the dance crews that came and go but enough for him to scream loudly with the crowd, amazed at their moves. He took a peek to his friend beside him who was busy making out with Chanyeol, and breaking apart to scream with the crowd. 

Oh my god, he groaned, thinking how can he get so cursed.

All negative thoughts were soon gone once the emcee announced that Yixing’s crew is coming out next. This time, he gave it his all, screaming as much louder than the people around him. He isn’t a singer for nothing.

“Yixing!” he screamed.

As soon as the beat dropped, the crew went into synchronised moves, wowing the crowds as they whistled and gave loud cheers for them. Jongdae can’t help but just look at Yixing alone because it felt like the Yixing on stage is so different from the guy he knows. The fire in his eyes is blazing brightly, and his smirk can make anyone swoon from the crowd. There was a sudden breakdown and the rest of the crew his behind the dark spots of the stage, letting Yixing and Sehun take centre stage. To say they were touching is an understatement. Jongdae just wanted to crawl on top of the sea of people to get on stage to dance beside Yixing but that would probably be recorded as the worst dance in a dance competition ever. Jongdae just ignored his feelings, and continued watching. He let out a sigh of relief when there was another breakdown of the music and he shouted when he heard his song being played.

“OH MY GOD KYUNGSOO THIS IS MY SONG!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“PROUD OF YOU!” the smaller lad shouted back.

Jongdae gave him a grin and turned his focus on Yixing again. His eyes wandered unconsciously to his torso, and his moves makes Jongdae squirm from where he was standing. All he can see is Yixing and him in a club, suddenly feeling a blush creeping on his cheek. He doesn’t know if Yixing looked at him straight in the eye, but he thought he winked at him while biting his lips. Jongdae cursed out loud, cursing at the sky, the stars, at Yixing and at his almost forming hardon but it’s hard to get such a tent on his pants being stuck close together with sweaty people. He was so lost with just watching Yixing, not even realising his song has ended. 

“That is one hell of a dance,” Kyungsoo told him.

“Yeah,” he muttered, “It felt like Yixing took me to hell.”

\--

Once they were out of the venue and was waiting for Yixing to come out and congratulate them in being the new grand winners of the year, he felt like there was something wrong. He doesn’t know what it was and it made him uncomfortable the whole night. Only when Kyungsoo started poking his side harshly did he look behind him to see Luhan coming with his girlfriend, and with them is Tao, the guy who flat out rejected him and even said that Jongdae is a disappointment for Yixing.

“Chanyeol, you said Luhan isn’t coming,” Kyungsoo said with a slight irritation in his tone, clearly worried about Jongdae.

“I didn’t say that,” Chanyeol replied, “I said I wasn’t sure if he was coming.”

The two living creatures that remind him of his broken past coming closer to them and he really feels like throwing up. He feels bad if he leaves without saying anything but he can’t face three people of his past at the same time. Sure, Yixing isn’t really that bad but he still is a constant reminder of Jongdae’s stupidity. 

“Can you tell Yixing I’ll be somewhere there or something,” Jongdae informed his best friend quickly, “I can’t do this.”

“I- alright, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo nodded with understanding.

Jongdae quickly strode out from where he was standing, quickly going to a more open area where lesser people were hanging out. He didn’t know he had been holding his breath until he managed to sit down somewhere isolated, letting out a sigh of relief. 

His mood fluctuated up and down this week, as if fate’s telling him to face his past and be a man but Jongdae isn’t ready yet. Not now. 

He leaned his back against the three trunk and stared at the sky. He smiled to himself, telling himself that everything will be fine. A smile can always trigger a positive emotion to a brain and that’s what he keeps telling himself.

He doesn’t know how long he had been sitting where he was but he knew it had been a while. He almost called Kyungsoo on his phone when Yixing showed up, walking casually and sitting by his side.

“I thought I was dreaming when I saw you in the crowd because I didn’t see you just now,” Yixing said, a sigh of relief clearly heard, “You scared me.”

Jongdae gave a shaky laugh, “Sorry but anyway, you did well, champion.”

He nudged the elder’s lad side and the latter chuckled. Yixing turned his head and asked, “It’s because of them isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“Luhan and Tao. They came and you got scared.”

“I di-”

“Jongdae.”

The way he said sounded like he was upset and exasperated. Afraid of making Yixing angry, Jongdae confessed, “Yes, it’s because of them.”

He continued, “I mean how can I face Luhan? And Tao especially, your best friend. He just doesn’t like me. I don’t know why but I don’t want him to be upset at you again if he sees me. I just don’t want him to be upset at you just because of me.”

“Tao doesn’t hate you, Jongdae,” Yixing said, “He was upset with me for moving on so quickly and he- he knows that I am not actually in love with you the time we got together. But time went on, I started liking you but he thought differently and he said he’s disappointed in me for using you.”

Jongdae shook his head, holding back the anger he stored towards himself and preventing tears from forming. He shakily said, “But I used you, Yixing.”

Those words alone broke Jongdae. The admission, the thoughts that were eating him up are finally said out loud and just every emotion he felt accumulated, bursting out and finally free.

Yixing hugged him tightly, burying his face on the latter’s chest. 

“You told me that before we dated, Jongdae,” he said softly, “It’s my own fault alone for agreeing but I actually didn’t know I’ll like you. When I kept saying I don’t forget, I mean I don’t forget how caring you were and how you went to great heights to help people, even if it means breaking your own heart.

“You always had been there when Baekhyun broke up with me, always concerned if I was okay. You were always taking care of my well-being when you should be angry with me like usual people are. But you have a big heart, Jongdae. Sometimes it’s too big that you even let people you shouldn’t be too concern about to be inside your heart. You told me I deserve better but I think it’s the other way around but for my own sake and Tao’s as well, you make the decision even it means it will drive you crazy. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

Jongdae pushed himself away from the latter’s chest, his tears dried quickly, “I’m not- wait what?”

Yixing gave him a cheeky smile and took his hand, squeezing it, “I said I love you and it would be nice if you love me too. I hope we can start again, now that we’re older.”

Jongdae blinked at the latter, not wanting to accept what he was hearing.

“I don’t think you’re thinking straight,” Jongdae said out of a sudden, wincing at how harsh it sounded, “What if Tao hates me?”

Yixing laughed loudly at his reaction replying, “You’re the one that’s not thinking straight. Tao doesn’t hate you.”

“But-”

The latter quickly gave a peck on Jongdae’s lip, stopping him from forming his sentence. Yixing just laughed louder and replied, “Do you want to be together or not?”

“Fine!” Jongdae said huffing, crossing his arms, “Happy?”

Yixing grabbed Jongdae’s head, which the younger lad replied by yelping, giving him a kiss on the forehead, whispering against his skin, “Very.”


End file.
